Total pages in book: 247
Estimated words: 248926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1245(@200wpm)___ 996(@250wpm)___ 830(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 248926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1245(@200wpm)___ 996(@250wpm)___ 830(@300wpm)
“On that you are correct, Emily, but that doesn't change the fact that you want to know those answers. Don't you, little mouse?” Fela's voice pierced my skin and gripped my heart. “You want to know how you ended up like this. What made you like this? You want to know who you are. And, you want me to tell you what you are.”
Was this it? The moment of reckoning.
My heart raced, and my mind whirred.
Two clear paths lay before me—I could either succumb to Fela's words and allow myself to be consumed by the darkness that lurked within me, or muster my courage and fight against it.
I was no coward, but the fear was real because I knew that one of those paths could affect me for the rest of my life.
What do I do?
Then, movement fluttered within my womb. My son. My baby playing or swimming. That fluttering was just what I needed to remind me of why I held the gun in the first place.
Stay safe and get out of Italy.
I also thought back to what Baba had told me.
Remember that I am loved and don't forget about the Lion.
Shivering, I lowered the gun and stepped back.
Kaz.
Blue remained silent, yet flicked the safety off her gun as if readying herself to shoot him if necessary.
Fela let out a breath of relief. “Always a smart mouse.”
Remember the Lion.
With my free hand, I tugged my ear twice.
Not noticing the signal, Fela pointed to me. “Learning about you required me to talk to many doctors that spent their lives on this topic. However, I must say that you are unique among your kind.”
I frowned. “Am I?”
A boat's engine sounded off in the distance.
“Do you know what the term, host means?” Fela grinned like he had just tasted the sweetest secret.
I swallowed. “No.”
“In psychology, the host is the most prominent personality in someone who has dissociative identity disorder. That is what you have.” Fela tried to step closer.
Blue whipped her gun up and pointed at him. “Stay right there.”
Chuckling, Fela raised his hands and stepped back. “Did you know that about yourself, Emily?”
“Say what you have to say, Fela.”
“Brain scans can be used to distinguish between host and alter personalities.” Fela lowered his hands and held them out. “The entire concept of all of this is highly mind-blowing and fascinating. The host often shows higher EEG coherence than alter personalities.”
None of these facts made me comfortable. Every inch of my body pulsed with nervous anticipation, I could almost taste the explosive energy coming in his message.
Clinging desperately to the shreds of my composure, I shifted my weight to my other foot, knowing he was preparing me for the moment where he would detonate the calm in my reality.
Have your fun, Fela. Whether you fuck my head up or not, my lion will roar.
“In addition to my information on you, I have studies that discuss the different neuronal activity between host and other personalities.” Fela pointed to the briefcase. “There has been brain scan evidence to show that stressful or traumatic memories are often much more present in the other personalities than the host.”
“This is something I can find in a book.” I scowled. “Get on with it.”
“The other personalities, besides the host, are known as alter personalities, or just alters. What do you think about all of that, Emily?”
“I think you don't have much time to worry about what I think about.”
The rumbling of rushing water and a loud boat motor sounded closer.
“Even more interesting, the host may or may not be the original personality. One of the supposed alters could be who was truly born.”
I shivered in fear.
“How far do your memories go back, Emily?”
I gritted my teeth.
Another dark chuckle left him. “In some forms of DID, the host can be present for extended years without ever allowing an alter to take the forefront. Again. . .that never means that the host is the original.”
Anxiety wrapped around me like a heavy cloak. My skin prickled with a fierceness that threatened to rip me apart. My vision blurred and I felt as if I could no longer recognize the world before me. Either anxiety was trying to swallow me up or perhaps Lunita was trying to rise up and protect me.
No. No. Stay right there.
A ferocious fury rippled through my body, and I swore to God that none of it was mine. She was rising inside of me, stirring within my flesh. I could feel her on the edge of my mind, hungry to rip his throat apart.
Stay back, Lunita. I've got it.
Despite every instinct screaming for me to sink within darkness and escape, I clenched my jaw, determined not to surrender to the darkness without a fight.
Whatever lay ahead of me, I would stay and face it.
“I didn't know all of this before, you see. Alters and host. At first, I thought you were a simple case of DID. Later, I discovered that you truly are a puzzle.” Fela shook his head. “I was not intending on Kazimir surviving you because Darryl was adamant about who the true host was. We planned for Kazimir to be dead within days of you both meeting. Never did I plan on you both falling in love. Then, Daryl realized that. . .”