Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“Your friends are also there,” I point out.
“Carmine and Ford can travel. They have the means.”
“But they also have little kids.” I flop down on my back. “I’m just saying, it’s a big ask. That’s all.”
“You wouldn’t come with me?” He asks so quietly, I almost think he didn’t say it.
The light snaps off before I can respond. The bed creaks as he climbs in beside me, the heat of his body rolling across the mattress.
“I don’t know,” I admit, uncertainty buzzing through my body. “What do I have waiting back in Dallas? A burned-down apartment. No best friend. No family to speak of. I had a job, but—” I shrug a little. I smile in the darkness, but I don’t think he can see my expression. Dallas has been my home, but I also went to the East Coast for college, and I could move there again for a while if I had to. Nothing’s holding me back. Only fear.
“We promised we’d do this for a year. That’s in the contract.”
“No sex is in the contract too and you found a loophole.” I stretch my legs, eyes fluttering. I feel so exhausted I could pass out. My body gets that sense of heaviness as everything goes relaxed. Sleep’s not far now. “Why not keep me for longer?”
He doesn’t answer right away. I close my eyes, thinking about his mouth against mine. Dreaming about it. But then his voice pulls me from the brink of sleep.
“Would you really do that? When we agreed to this, it was supposed to be temporary.”
“Then we can have a spectacular breakup in Boston.” I yawn, turning my head. He’s looking at me in the darkness, his body a stretch of black in the low light. “It’d be an adventure.”
“You’d move across the country for an adventure?”
“I don’t have anything else,” I say, thinking back to my life. “I haven’t had anything, if I’m honest with myself. What’s the point of drifting along, barely making ends meet? I can do that forever. Stay comfortable and safe. Or I can take a risk with you.”
“I’m a risk now?” he murmurs. I can hear the smile on his lips. “What do you want, Fiona? I mean, with your life. With everything.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. The idea of having a goal seems so foreign. “I’ve never really wanted anything. I’ve been trying to tread water all this time, just trying to survive. It’s hard to think past a few days when it feels like you could drown at any second.”
“But something changed,” he pushes.
“You came along and fucked everything up,” I say, staring at the ceiling. “And Orin keeps talking about family. That’s got me thinking about the future, you know? About having kids. About building something more than myself. That doesn’t sound so bad. I know it would be hard, but I’ve always wanted a family.”
“It’d definitely be something to do,” he says.
“I know you’re joking, but I’m serious. It would be something to do. What else is there? Why not have babies? Raise them right? I could do a better job than my parents did. I wouldn’t turn into a swinging sex freak, for one.”
“What if I asked you to?” he whispers, his lips surprisingly close to my neck. I shiver, but don’t flinch away.
“I’d tell you to move to Florida by your own damn self then if you want to swing so badly.” He chuckles quietly and kisses my chin. I suck in an excited breath. “What was that for?” I ask.
“Something for you to dream about. Go to sleep, you’re exhausted.”
I close my eyes again. Heaviness pushes me down into the mattress. “I’m a little drunk, I spent a lot of time in the sun, and I had one of the best orgasms of my life. Yes, I am one tired girl.”
“One of the best?”
“The best. Be quiet now. Sleep time.”
Another kiss. This time on my neck. “Goodnight.”
God, why does he do this to me? “Goodnight,” I say and roll over.
Thinking about babies, and moving to Boston, and kisses in the dark.
Chapter 25
Fiona
I stretch out in the sun, my skin doused in sunscreen. Orin’s in the ocean, swimming with Molly. The pair of them are laughing as they bob and duck waves, splashing each other like children. I find it hard to imagine they’re actually hardened gangsters like Gareth claims.
There’s something so innocent about their relationship. Even when Molly’s teasing him and Orin’s acting all grumpy, they clearly love each other. They’ve been married for so long, but they’re still happy. Can people really keep love going like that?
I always imagined my parents started swinging out of desperation. They’re unhappy in their marriage, but unwilling to end it. I can’t picture getting divorced after being with someone for twenty, thirty, forty years. The idea of waking up one day far from now, far in the future, miserable, ready to walk away from the only world I’ve ever known, it scares the hell out of me. How can I know I’ll still be in love at sixty?