Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 108119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
“Yes. I think… so.” Her eyes darted to the hallway than back to me. “You said I was safe, right? I’m safe?”
I didn’t want to soften. No good would come from me getting attached or being the person in her life that lied and said everything was going to be okay when it wasn’t.
Her father was dead.
Half her family was dead.
And her brother I would let her kill.
This wasn’t a safe life or a happy one.
This was war.
This was the mafia.
“You’re safe.” I locked eyes with her. “With me, you’ll be safe.”
I didn’t add that I was more dangerous to her than any of the men out there. I didn’t tell her that I was a monster that couldn’t feel anything.
I just let her believe I would use my gun for her.
And that’s all that mattered.
I was disgusted with myself then, horrified that as I dragged her through that club, I felt nothing, I was so fucking tired of being numb, of turning it off, of having women touch me and laughing because it amused me that they thought they could seduce me when I was much more tempted to kill them for trying.
I inwardly cursed my dad for making me that way.
For making women objects.
For trapping me in my own prison.
We walked down a separate hall that led to the clubs. She clung to me tightly, and I found I liked the way she held onto me, like she was afraid I would let go, like she didn’t know that just because I would keep her safe, didn’t mean I was safe.
We walked down a long corridor that led to a black door. I slid my card over it, and it buzzed open.
The sound of music filled the place. We’d been open an hour and already we were at capacity. Men and women were scattered everywhere, all over the couches, in the VIP section kissing, touching, flirting.
One of the Italians, now my man, eyed me with curiosity as I brought her through and then his eyes flickered with amusement before he turned away and spoke into his wrist.
I would hear from Ax later, that much I knew. Bastard rarely kept to himself when he wanted information and he was only too happy to report everything to Nixon Abandonato like a good puppy.
I wondered what she thought, then, as men parted for us, as woman stared at her with open eyed jealousy.
I pulled her toward the bar near the front entrance and held up two fingers. Manny nodded at me and filled two shot glasses with Stoli’s.
I picked up one and handed her the other. “Ypa.”
With trembling fingers, she took the shot from me and repeated. “Ypa.”
I almost smiled when she took the shot and then made a face. “I didn’t just ask you to kill me in Russian, did I?”
I admired her ability to joke in the circumstances she was in more than I should. “No that would have been ubei menya,” I shrugged. “Just in case you ever feel the need to beg for it.”
“It wouldn’t matter.”
“Pardon?”
“I said it wouldn’t matter. I’ve begged for it before, I begged for it every night since I was fourteen, so even if I screamed it at the top of my lungs—”
“Don’t.” I put my hand over her mouth silencing her, putting an end to the conversation. I didn’t want to hear about her pain, her struggles. I didn’t want to care that her brother touched her where no brother should touch, and I sure as hell didn’t want to know that the woman in front of me, begged for death the same way I did for entirely different reasons.
No, I didn’t want to compare pain.
I was too afraid our scars would match.
And it would be all I saw.
I held up two fingers again and handed her a new shot. “Here’s my promise to you, dorogoya. Say those words to me, and it will be over with before you take your next breath.”
Her lips parted, and then she reached for my hand and squeezed it, never taking her eyes off of me as she whispered, “Thank you.”
It was the first genuine thank you I’d ever heard from someone.
And all because I promised I would kill her if she asked.
She didn’t know then how seriously I took my vows. She had no way of knowing the power behind those words and the brutality behind my gun.
Something shifted in the air, with Post Malone blaring through the speakers, with Stoli’s vodka on her parted lips.
I realized it wasn’t my surroundings.
It wasn’t even her.
It was me.
I’d felt her thank you down to my damned soul.
Funny how you forget, how painful it is to feel, until your dead heart thuds loudly to remind you, you’re still human.
“Let’s go.” It came out rough, as I grabbed her arm and led her to the front entrance where my Escalade was waiting for us.