Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 141492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 707(@200wpm)___ 566(@250wpm)___ 472(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 707(@200wpm)___ 566(@250wpm)___ 472(@300wpm)
Her lashes swept down and then came back up, but her gaze was steady. The pulse in her neck beat strong, matching the rhythm of his. “Is that a possibility?”
“For some. Not for us.”
“Because you’re too close to turning? Aura tried to explain to me what that meant. Becoming a vampire if you’re not anchored by your lifemate? I thought if your soul was restored, you would be safe.”
Safia sounded genuinely concerned. That surprised him. He was in her mind, monitoring her reaction to see just how much of a rejection he was going to get from her. Instead of pulling away from him, she seemed to be listening and trying to understand. There was no judgment on her part—yet.
“You said the failing is yours, not mine, but if that isn’t so, Petru, I’d rather you tell me the truth. Is it possible I lack in some way?”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to choose his words carefully. He wanted to be as honest with her as possible. She deserved to understand what was happening to him. He never wanted her to feel she lacked in any way. The vampire had planted that seed in her, undermining her self-confidence, hoping that if this day came and they were able to reunite, there would always be doubt in their relationship.
“The failing is mine, Safia. Carpathian males always put their lifemates first. Before any other. You heard our vows. We mean them. We have a code of honor, and we hold to that. In the history of our existence, I am the only one who has ever broken that code. I betrayed you. You were a helpless child counting on me, and I allowed you to die a hideous death.”
Safia’s heart clenched in her chest. She felt Petru’s gut-wrenching agony in that moment when he had made the decision to save the others and turn the tide of the war. It wasn’t contrived. He wanted to look away from her, feeling shame. More than shame. He felt unworthy of her. From the moment his memories had been restored, he had replayed his decision over and over. Each time the stain on his soul grew darker, the scar thicker and his sin more unforgivable in his eyes.
He watched the vampire rip the child’s heart from her chest. Felt her terror. Felt the child’s torture, tried desperately not only to get to her but to spare her the pain, to take it on himself, but was unable to do so.
“Don’t look at my memories,” Petru said.
“I blocked you. I cut the tie between us,” Safia said. “The vampire didn’t. Lilith didn’t. I was the one who blocked you. You had to make the choice to save the others. If you had saved me—us—everyone would die. I knew that. Even as a child, I understood that. I didn’t want my entire tribe dead. It wasn’t only your decision, Petru.”
Petru leaned back in the chair, his eyes glittering that peculiar liquid silver. “You were five. Powerful, yes, but still a human child. You have no idea of the power I wielded then. Or do now. Or how ruthless I can be. I don’t have your compassion. I didn’t have emotions back then. I hadn’t claimed you. I knew you existed only because you touched my mind. Once I knew, it was my duty to protect you, and I failed. I allowed you to suffer and die one of the worst possible deaths.”
Although she knew Petru didn’t want her to see or feel his emotions, it was too important for her to pull back. She allowed his true feelings to flood her mind, tapping into the emotions before he could distance them from her or dull them. She realized he had done that earlier. He wasn’t going to hide what he felt from her, but he didn’t want her to pity him. He thought her too compassionate. He also didn’t want her to think he was manipulating her, using her empathy against her.
Petru’s nature demanded he protect her. He hadn’t done so when she was a child all those centuries ago, and the guilt would never leave him. He couldn’t forgive himself. The first time she felt his painful memories, he’d cushioned them, sparing her. They’d been endless agony for him. Every moment he was awake. No matter what he was doing unless he was with her.
This time she refused to allow him to spare her. The suffering he experienced had been horrific between his mental anguish, the physical pain as he’d fought vampires to get to her and sharing her pain as Eduardo tore out her heart. She couldn’t imagine having to go through it over and over.
“I will forever carry the shame of failing my lifemate. Even now, I fail you. The one thing you ask for is time to process what is needed to be with me. That is not unreasonable, even with the coming war, yet because of my failure, I cannot give that to you.”