Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
The words hurt. I was so fucking afraid of this. I want to fight it so badly. I want to be his answer. I want to fix all of it, but … “Of course. Whatever you need, Quin.”
I realize we’re leaning more against each other than the banister. The sun is overhead, with blindingly bright sand all around us beneath the planks. Nothing more is said. Our thoughts stay in our heads, not daring to leave our lips.
Chapter 17 - Quintin
“I can’t believe it’s already here,” I murmur.
Vann nods, standing next to me. “Just a few more days, and this room will be full of people looking at our art.” He lets out a sigh. “There was a time I never thought this day would come.”
Our voices echo around us as we stand in the middle of the Rivington. Workers are all over the place setting up the gallery for the upcoming show. Platforms are being erected for sculpture pieces. Lighting is being adjusted and rehung. One of the fourth-year students has a whole room to herself where lots of metallic paint is involved, apparently.
“Are you alright?” he asks me.
“Sure, I think so. Just a little nervous, I guess.”
“I meant … with everything else.”
I look at him. The echoing noises of the room seem to fade as I process what he’s really asking me. I’m not sure how to answer. Everything feels strange. Between me and Adrian. Between me and my parents. Between me and myself and the uncertain future that lies before me like a creaky rope bridge over a terrifyingly deep canyon I’ll be forced to cross someday.
How am I supposed to be alright right now?
How is anything supposed to be alright?
“No,” I finally confess.
Vann throws an arm over my back. “I know a lot of it is stuff you gotta figure out on your own, but … if Toby or I can do anything for you, help you out in some way …”
“I appreciate it, Vann. You guys have been really great to me. And I’ve …” I let out a pathetic little laugh. “I’ve been a terrible friend.”
“What? No!”
“You guys opened your home up to me, and I totally disregarded and threw away your hospitality like it was a condom wrapper.” I hug Vann. “I’m sorry.”
He rubs my back. Then he pulls away. “Y’know what sounds really good right now? A few hours on the beach.”
I blink. “That sounds good right now …?”
“Yep. Trust me. You’ll be surprised the complexity of problems you can work out in your head just by spending some time on the sand, listening to the waves, feeling the sun over you, and letting your worries drift away. The world is too damned little to waste time worrying about the small stuff like your future, your career, your relationship with your dad …”
“Those don’t sound like small things.”
“Yet,” he corrects me, then winks. “C’mon. Let’s go hit the beach. You’ll have all tonight to sweat over picking which pieces to show.”
Okay, honestly, I’m not convinced.
But an hour later, I’m right where Vann wants me: on a Pac-Man beach towel next to a shirtless Vann and Toby, on a beach that is mercifully unpopulated today. I lay back with my hands behind my head under the afternoon sun, my eyes closed, letting all of my thoughts drift in and out with the waves crashing at our feet.
The waves roll in.
The waves rush away.
I could lie out here for a long time, to be honest. It’s peaceful, not stressing out about anything. No work. No school. No anxiety. No fear.
Just waves rolling in.
Waves rushing away.
I can even believe everything is totally okay right now.
It wouldn’t be so difficult.
Except that it only now seems to hit me that I haven’t texted Adrian all day.
The waves roll in.
What is Adrian doing right now? Does he think I’m avoiding him? Does he think he’s lost me? Am I letting him believe all the truths he shared with me finally scared me off, just like he feared?
The waves rush away.
No, I tell myself. He said he would give me space. He knows I’m taking time for myself. He knows …
But I can’t be naïve. He has to be hurting, too. He has feelings for me, just like I have feelings for him. He has to be afraid I might be the next guy who breaks his heart. And that’s the last thing I want.
The waves roll in.
The waves rush away.
Yet here I am, lounging on the beach like I have no worries in the world, while the man I want suffers, waiting for me to fix my life.
And I’m lounging here on a Pac-Man beach towel, also waiting for me to fix my life.
Everyone’s waiting for me.
Watching me.
My father. My professor.
My maybe-boyfriend.
Would it have been such a bad thing, to take up Adrian on his offer? To stay at his place? To feel the love he’s so willing to give me? To trust him wholeheartedly, despite all the things I’ve learned?