Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 94960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
It makes no sense, but the sun pouring in makes this feel less heavy. The phone rings, and I stand there with my heart trying to beat out of my chest. “Tatum,” he says as if he’s breathing again.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
An uncomfortable silence invades, and an apology suddenly doesn’t seem like a viable option of getting us back together. A long-winded explanation maybe? “I’m sorry I left.” Okay, well, direct is always good. Let’s just hope he can appreciate that angle.
The silence lingers though I know he’s still there because I can hear his breathing. In the past, he’s mentioned the first one who speaks loses. It’s a sales technique of his. But the quiet between us is painful and stretching, so I say, “Harrison, are you still there?”
“I’m here.”
“I . . . I’m not sure how to make this right.”
“Can I be honest with you, Tatum?”
“Of course. I hope you’re always honest with me.”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m disappointed. I was only gone a few hours. I don’t know why you would leave. Why would you leave at a time like that?”
“If you want my honesty, I thought you had already left me. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I wasn’t thinking rationally. I was thinking through the pain, and all I wanted was for it to go away.”
“Did it go away?
“No, it got worse.”
“I appreciate you apologizing. I know that’s not easy to do, especially when your reason for doing it makes sense to you. But you gave me enough time to think about what was happening, and it’s a lot. I know you’re going through a lot, and maybe this isn’t the right time for us.”
“Wait, no. That’s—”
“Time is what you need, Tatum. Your life is changing dramatically. I’m not saying I want you out there dating because fuck no, that’s not happening.”
“Then what are you saying, Harrison?” Please don’t say you’ve given up on me too. That I’m not enough for you to want to stay for.
“I want you to want me how I want you.”
It’s a tongue twister, but, “I love you.”
“I love you, too. But I want us together because we want to be together. Not because you’re pregnant. Am I the man you’d choose if you weren’t having my baby? Don’t answer right now. When you know and you’re certain, call me.”
“Harris—” The line goes dead, along with my heart.
I had it all, and I realized too late.
31
Tatum
“I missed what braising is,” I whisper to Natalie.
A spatula slaps the cutting board in front of me. “Zip it, Ms?” Chef Marcelles yells in an intense French accent from right behind me.
I turn around and say, “Devreux.”
“Ah. Oui. Oui. French. Tres magnifique.” He comes closer. “No talking in my class. Oui?”
“Oui?”
When I turn back to Natalie with wide eyes, she gets my drift without using words: he’s an asshole.
“That class was intense,” I say, “like Marcelle, and that was only the first one.”
“It was incredible, right?” Natalie cheerfully raves, hands in the air and all. “And who knew that brown butter was a secret weapon for the perfect short ribs? Not me.”
“I thought brown butter was just butter that’s cooked until brown?”
She laughs. “It is.” Staring down at the rest of her shopping list, she says, “I have a lot of shopping tomorrow for short ribs. I want to practice before Cookie and Corbin fly in next month for Juni and Andrew’s delivery. The guys have a bet going, and Nick’s going with the Fourth of July.”
“That’s too early. I’m feeling July eighteenth.”
“Really?” she asks as if I just told her she won a million dollars a week for life sweepstakes. “I told Nick the same date.”
“Great minds and all. Hey, before you take off, can I ask your advice?”
She adjusts her bag to the crook of her arm. “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”
“You know how Harrison and I are taking a little break?”
“Yes.” Of course, she does.
Harrison has flown back and forth a few times. I only know that because I’m told I can come over because the coast is clear.
Beyond that, I have no idea if he’s had to show anyone else properties in New York. I have no clue what he’s done in New York at all. I’ve felt blind about anything to do with him, and that just feels wrong.
My offer was accepted on the property next to Nat and Nick, but I’ve only spoken to Robert about that. He’s organized the various building inspections, and I’m about to sign a contract. That’s still a surprise to Natalie and Nick, though. Unless Harrison’s spilled the beans to Nick already. Wouldn’t Nat tell me if she knew, though? Once again, I have no idea, and I hate that it feels like they’re living a whole other life that I’m not privy to. I wonder if Harrison feels the same. I wonder if he asks about me when he’s here.