Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Instead, I’ve been here with Tori and Kieran, who have been glued to the TV all morning. I doubt Kieran knows everything just yet, but I’m giving them space to talk about it whenever Tori’s ready.
“Dr. Woods is staying as long as Bianca needs,” Birdie assures me. “She even offered to stay the night if necessary.”
“That’s good.” My eyes slide shut with a sigh. “Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t know.” Birdie’s voice is somber when she replies. “I think she just needs time to process everything right now. I know this is really hard for both of you, but it’s not something you can rush. You have to remember she’s starting from scratch here. Every day, she’s learning new things about her life and her family, and it’s all just so much. This thing with Adam, I think it’s really rocked her. They have her face splashed all over the news. It’s so surreal. I know we can’t do anything about it, and I told Bianca she doesn’t have to watch, but she keeps insisting that she needs to.”
“Fucking Christ,” I mutter. “I just want to be there with her. It’s killing me, Birdie.”
“I’m so sorry,” she croaks. “I wish I could do something to help her let you in. But I don’t know what else there is.”
“Will you just let me know she’s alright?” I ask.
“I will. I promise.”
“Thanks, Birdie.”
I disconnect the call just as Zoe comes charging down the hall from her bedroom. Her hair is wild from playing with Olivia, and her cheeks are pink with excitement as she skids to a halt.
“Madden, can we have a popsicle?”
“You can, but eat them in your room, okay? Just for today.”
She bobs her head, but before she leaves, her eyes move over my face, and I can’t help noticing her concern.
“Do you still miss Grandma?” she asks.
I reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear. “I miss her every day, and it’s okay if you do, too.”
“Is that why you’re always so sad?”
Her question catches me off guard, because as much as I thought I was, I haven’t been very good at hiding it. And it isn’t fair to Zoe. She should just be able to be a kid without worrying about me.
“I have been a little sad,” I tell her truthfully. “But you know what I think would make me feel better?”
“What?” She rocks back onto her heels and studies me.
“Why don’t we forget the popsicles, and I’ll take you and Olivia out for ice cream instead.”
“Really?” Her lips curve into an eager smile. “That would be so fun. Let me go get Olivia.”
She turns to head back down the hall but then pauses to glance at me over her shoulder.
“I love you, Madden.”
“I love you too, kid.”
Chapter 80
Madden
—PAST—
“We canned the rest of the tour.” Kieran hands me a plane ticket while Jimmy, Asher, and the rest of the team watch me from a distance.
“What do you mean you canned the rest of the goddamn tour?” I growl. “That wasn’t your call to make.”
“No,” Asher says. “It was mine. And until you can get your shit in order, you won’t be performing.”
I glance around the room, staring at the disappointment on everyone’s faces. They don’t have to tell me how badly I’ve fucked this up. The writing’s on the wall. I’ve let them all down, and instead of acknowledging it like I should, I’m pissed the fuck off.
“This is bullshit.” I hurl the ticket onto the floor. “I’m not going to fucking rehab. Nothing is canceled. We aren’t done.”
“You’re done.” Asher crosses his arms and meets my gaze. “This is nonnegotiable, Madden. We can’t have you up on stage blitzed out of your mind every night. It’s not fair to your fans, and it sure as fuck isn’t fair to your crew.”
My frustration surges, and I just want to drive my fist through the wall. I’m sweating, my heart is raging, and I’m on the verge of hurling. I know what I need, but I can’t bring myself to admit I’m a fucking liar. And right now, I’m in too deep to listen to the voices of reason.
“Fuck this. I’m out.” I turn on my heel, and Kieran calls after me, but he doesn’t follow when Asher tells him to let me go.
As I’m walking away, I can hear his last words echoing down the hall. “He needs to choose it for himself.”
My footsteps ricochet off the walls, and I slam the metal door open, crashing it against the brick outside. Sunlight blinds me, and I nearly topple over as my stomach cramps again. I don’t have any pills, and I don’t know where to get them. Lilith is the one who always knows those things. But right now, I’d sell my fucking soul for just one Oxy.