Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 104165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Things stayed in lighter territory over dinner. Then Brooke took a shower, and we started Titanic—one of her favorite movies back in the day—curled up in bed. That bizarre, homey feeling hit me hard again.
I’m about to turn off the movie at the halfway point before the ship starts sinking, just like she always used to make me do. But when I look over at her, she’s already out. I only pause it instead of turning it off. I like looking at her in the glow of the TV light.
I can’t imagine sleeping now that I’ve got her in my arms. I curl us in the bed on our sides, her back to my chest, and wrap an arm around her waist.
Fuck she feels so good in my arms. I can’t believe we’re here. I can’t believe I’m this lucky of a bastard.
So when’s the other shoe gonna drop?
Cause good shit like this just doesn’t happen to a lad like me. Yeah I got money, but I was still a miserable bastard, so it felt balanced.
Now though…
Happiness? Like the real, true deep kind?
I frown furiously at the warm feelings in my belly that have nothing to do with lust. Fucking feelings. How do I manage the goddamned unruly things and still stay in control? I’d say I was better off without them, but if they’re the price I have to pay for Brooke being here, I’ll man up and deal with it. I grit my teeth. One way or another.
I have to stay in control now more than ever. The stakes have never been higher.
Brooke makes an uneasy noise and shifts in my arms.
“Shhh,” I soothe and set my chin on the top of her head, enveloping her completely. She settles and I relax around her. “We’re going to be okay,” I whisper. “Everything’s going to be all right.”
I try to stay awake. I need to stay vigilant in case she needs me. Eventually my eyelids get heavy, though. I’ll just rest them for a few seconds at a time…
…
…
A scream startles me awake.
“No!” Madison cries at an ear-splitting volume. “NO! I’ll be good, I promise. Please! NO!”
“Mads! Brooke!” I try to hold her and shake her awake but she fights me so I let her go. Finally she screams herself awake, almost falling off the bed. I catch her at the last second, lassoing my arms around her waist. I let her go again as soon as she’s safe, knowing she might not want the touch right now.
“Brooke, are you okay?”
The TV’s turned itself off at some point so I reach over and flip on the lamp beside the bed.
Brooke’s eyes are wide and terrified, darting left and right until she finally seems to register me there on the bed beside her.
“Donny.” Her voice is reedy and thin, and she’s fisting the blanket. She still looks like she’s in some terrified trance.
I get closer to her on the bed, reaching for her again. She yanks back so I pull my arms away, holding them wide so she knows she’s safe. She’s like a spooked animal right now.
“You’re safe,” I say carefully. “It’s just me here. You’re safe.”
“More light.” She yanks the covers up to her chest.
I nod and launch out of the bed to turn on the overhead light and several other lamps around the room until it’s as bright as it can be without daylight. I glance at the clock. Four-thirty in the morning. Sunrise isn’t for another couple hours.
She’s breathing so hard. Whatever was in that nightmare, it scared the shit out of her. She’s still so fucking terrified.
And I feel as inept as I have all day.
I don’t know how to help her.
Useless stupid little fucking dog.
I shake my head.
“Can we do a scene?” she says suddenly, “Please. I need you to hurt me.” As she says it, she reaches out unexpectedly and grasps my forearms.
Wrenching out of her grasp is a knee-jerk reaction. “Don’t touch me.”
She turns away from me and starts to cry. Loud, wracking sobs as she pulls herself into a little ball on the bed.
And I fucking hate myself. I want to punch myself in the face. Fifty lashes on the back wouldn’t be enough. Pain. I need pain.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. We don’t have to do that shit anymore. I’m sorry for fucking everything, Mad—I mean, Brooke. Fuck!”
I reach out tentatively and put a hand on her back. When she allows that, I pull her into my arms again and thank god, she lets me, dropping her head against my chest. Thank fuck I can allow some touches.
She only rests her head for a moment, though, before lifting her face to stare up at me with tear-filled eyes. “I don’t want you to see me as broken. I’m not something to be put behind glass because I’m too delicate and too fucked up.”