Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 147128 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147128 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
There was an awkward moment of silence. ‘Okay, guys. You go have fun. I’ll talk to you soon.’ I would’ve been lying if I’d said there wasn’t this tiny little bloom of jealousy in my chest that disappeared as soon as it appeared.
‘I’m sorry, Charlie,’ Val muttered. ‘I would’ve cancelled, but…’
‘Don’t be crazy. Why would you cancel plans for this? This is just a blip in the ordinary. Nothing more. We’ll talk later.’
‘Give me a second, I’ll take you off the speaker. Okay. Done. You go, Ed, I’ll be right there. Okay, Charlie I’m walking away from Ed, he can’t hear me. You were half in love with the guy. You talked about him for months even after he stood you up. This is me you’re talking to, so don’t act like him being right there doesn’t mean anything. If it didn’t you wouldn’t have literally run away from him.’
‘I didn’t run away from him,’ I grumbled, picking a ghost lint from my leggings.
‘Oh, sorry. Crawled away from him. How could we forget about that.’
‘Val, it’s been years. Of course him being here doesn’t mean anything. It was just a shock to see him at the office all of a sudden. He was married, did I say that? Apparently he got a divorce recently, but still what I’m trying to say is, we’re not the same people. I don’t even know him anymore. I’ve had crushes on a lot of people. Take Chris Evans the insanely good-looking movie star for instance: just because I’ve had an ongoing crush on him for years doesn’t mean I’ll start stalking him forever or won’t ever be with anyone else.’
‘That was a weak example and you know it. You already stalk Chris Evans.’
I admitted to nothing.
‘We’ll talk about this when I get back,’ she began in an unimpressed voice. ‘You’re not off the hook. You need to start dating again.’
‘Jesus. I dated. Every now and then. When you get back, I’ll be asleep. It’s the weekend, I’m going to sleep for twelve hours. And you know I want to be with someone too. I miss being with someone, being an important part of someone’s life. But we saw how the online dating and blind dates went. I’m okay like this too. I like my own company. I’m happy. I’m not going to settle just to tell other people I’m dating. I’ll find someone when it’s time. We’ll talk later, go. Ed is waiting.’
She sighed. ‘You’re staying in tonight?’
‘Yup.’ I stayed in every night. ‘Got stuff to do around the house anyway,’ I lied. Kinda.
‘Okay. We’ll talk tomorrow then. Text me when you wake up, okay? Especially if you guys talk again. And… you never know, Charlie, right this minute he might be thinking about you too.’
‘O—okay. Bye now. Give Ed a hug from me.’
I ended the call and sat back for a minute, my dinner already forgotten. I should’ve made French fries, I would’ve never given up on French fries. The more time passed, the worse I started to feel. I was so tired of feeling lonely. So tired of being by myself. I wasn’t lying, I did enjoy being alone, but being lonely was a whole other thing when you thought about it.
Even when I had Craig, I didn’t actually have him. What brand of an idiot was I that I’d spent almost six years of my life in a long-distance relationship that was clearly going nowhere? Just because I was scared to lose one more person in my life and because it was easier to deal with. Not all of it had been bad, since he was good to me the times that he actually paid attention, but more than that he was really good at manipulating me into staying and telling me everything would be great. It just wasn’t the right time yet.
I had a few close friends who were scattered all around the country. Sure, I had a family, but sometimes dealing with them broke my soul in the worst way.
A grandma who didn’t even accept hugs, let alone a simple kiss on the cheek. Forget about feeling loved by her; love was weakness and even if you loved someone you should never show it – her words, not mine. Since her husband left her with a four-year-old (my dad) for someone else, she’d become bitter and closed off. I didn’t want to become like her.
A dad who didn’t know me, didn’t even care to get to know me, who judged me constantly, who made fun of people I loved by calling them names, who was so set in his own ways that he didn’t listen to what I had to say about any subject. A dad who didn’t respect me, but whom I still loved.
A sister I barely talked to anymore and had nothing in common with.