Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 136915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
I never wanted a life in the countryside. I’d grown up in the big city. It was the place I felt most comfortable, and I still couldn’t imagine trading my life in New York for something like this indefinitely, but Greta’s presence made this place special. When I’d grown up, I’d always known what place to call home, my parents’ house had been my safe haven, the place I’d call home without hesitation, but since I’d moved out and especially since my wedding to Cressida nothing had truly felt like returning home. My apartment felt like an interim step, not like the final destination, and the townhouse I’d bought for Cressida and me had always felt like a stranger’s home and not one you felt welcome in.
I took another sip and Greta waved at me again in the distance, shouting something I didn’t catch, but I waved back. Then I slowly lowered my hand. This right here, this sense of calm and belonging, it was something I wanted. But a year ago turning this dream into reality had already been up against high hurdles. Now? With me being married to Cressida, it was almost out of reach.
Divorce was a no-go, an unforgivable sin, in our world. It was the only way I could ever have Greta in more than the tiny slices of time I could carve out between the Famiglia, my family and Cressida.
Divorce was something that would end my aspirations as Capo.
My belly warmed at the sight of Amo on my porch, having coffee in only his pajama bottoms.
Despite how risky our meetings were, I couldn’t imagine not seeing Amo again. I felt guilty in many ways, toward my family, toward Cressida, even toward Amo’s family. We lied to all of them in some way. But whenever I thought of ending things between Amo and me, my chest constricted with acute anxiety. One year ago, my choice had been clear, an impossible choice but one that was inevitable. Now the reasons for a certain choice in the past became less and less convincing.
I headed over to Amo once I’d fed all the animals, which took long without Jill’s help. She hadn’t asked why I’d wanted her to spend a couple of days with her sister in Reno. She knew better than to ask too many questions.
With a bright smile, I took the hand that Amo held out to me when I ascended the wooden steps. We walked inside and had breakfast, though seeing Amo in his state of undress my body had a very different hunger.
“How about you give me a detailed tour of the farm? We can hardly do a trip somewhere else.”
I knew many places I would have liked to show Amo but he was right. This wasn’t an option. And it touched me that he wanted to get to know more about my sanctuary.
“Just let me get dressed quickly.”
I bit my lip. “You don’t have to put on clothes for me…”
Amo chuckled, leaning over and cupping my neck to pull me in for a kiss.
His phone beeped, forcing us apart, and he glanced down, his mouth tightening.
“Anything wrong?”
He shook his head, with a forced smile, and quickly shoved the cellphone into his pajama pocket.
“Your wife?”
He rose to his feet, his smile still not the one he usually had around me. I’d seen it on his face when he’d interacted with others, though. “Let’s enjoy the day.”
I didn’t push him, because I didn’t really want to talk about her either. Even though she knew Amo wasn’t faithful, I felt bad for what we did. I touched his lips with my fingertips when his forced smile remained. “I prefer your real smile. You don’t have to pretend for me, okay?”
Amo’s eyes softened and he finally stopped smiling. “Few people would realize there’s a difference.”
“I do, and I only want your true emotions. You don’t have to force anything.”
Amo kissed my fingertips. “I won’t let anything ruin today. So let’s get ready so you can distract me.”
First, I led Amo to the paddock where I kept most of the horses and donkeys. I climbed up on the first board of the fence to get a better overview and pointed out the different horses to Amo. “This is Ruby.” I pointed at a copper mare. “When I got her eight months ago she’d never seen daylight in the three years of her life before. She was in a miserable state and look at her now.”
Amo nodded slowly but his gaze rested on me. I didn’t quite understand his expression, only that it made me feel incredibly seen and… maybe even loved. I pointed out a few more animals and Amo listened without interrupting me. He gave me the feeling as if he was really interested in everything.
After a while, he stopped looking at the paddock again and instead watched me with an expression that filled my body with heat. I turned and perched on the highest board. “Am I boring you?” I had been talking about my animals and all their backstories and special needs for a ridiculously long time.