Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 136915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Amo smiled, and my chest seemed to expand and my belly became a snake pit. I held out my hand and he took it, following me as I led him a bit further away from Nino and Fabiano.
“The odds are against us,” I said as I stopped behind a curtain that separated the storage area from the bar.
“I don’t care about the odds. I came here to ask for your hand.”
My stomach hollowed, my breathing catching in my throat. This wasn’t what I’d expected. I hadn’t even dared considering it. I tried to keep my emotions at bay, to think this through logically. This was too important to lose sight of all but my emotional turmoil. “Without your dad’s approval.”
Amo shrugged as if it didn’t matter but I knew how much he cared about his family. Our families were our everything. Hearing Nevio’s words had cut. That he thought being with someone meant betrayal. He was certain I’d never leave our family, never leave him because he couldn’t imagine leaving himself.
“Does Cressida know you’re here?”
Amo took a step closer, peering down at me with such intensity, I wondered how deep into my soul he could look. Nobody knew the darkness of my soul, but with him I wondered if maybe he saw and didn’t care.
“No, I don’t talk to her unless she doesn’t leave me a choice. But she knows my heart doesn’t belong to her.”
“And she doesn’t care?”
Amo chuckled darkly. “She cares about becoming a Capo’s wife, not my feelings.”
A Capo’s wife. All my life my family had kept me from social events, had allowed me to remain in my safe space. If I became Amo’s wife, that would have to end. The Famiglia was different than the Camorra. More traditional.
“What Nino said is true you know? I won’t ever be someone who’ll stand by your side in the flashlight, who’ll give interviews to the press, who’ll smile pleasantly at a camera.”
Amo slowly lifted his hand and touched my cheek. “I know you can do it. Everyone will love you. You’ll grow with the task.”
I could tell he really believed it. Maybe he wanted to believe it. My heart broke. I shook my head. “I won’t.”
Amo shrugged. “Once we have children, nobody will expect you to be in public all the time. Then it won’t matter anymore.”
I swallowed. Of course. Amo needed an heir. Amo needed a representative wife. He needed someone who’d grab the hearts of his soldiers. “I don’t even know if I want children.”
Amo frowned. “Why?”
“Because this world is such a harsh place, and so much is uncertain, that it seems unfair to bring a child into it.”
Amo nodded as if he understood but I could tell that he thought I’d eventually change my mind. Maybe I would, but it didn’t matter.
“I’m who I am, and that won’t change, and I can tell it’s not what you need. I’m not the person you need by your side.”
“But you’re the one I want.”
“Sometimes we can’t have what we want,” I whispered.
“Not me,” Amo murmured, bringing our faces closer. I looked deeply into his eyes. I loved how quiet my mind got when I did, how peaceful I felt, how in control of everything, especially myself.
“I don’t care about any of this, Greta. I probably won’t even become Capo anymore. My father made it very clear that I’d have to waive my position if I didn’t marry Cressida.”
He’d give up becoming Capo for me?
The realization that I’d lose this, that I’d lose Amo, ached in the worst way possible.
But I couldn’t be selfish. I had to think of my family, who’d probably start a war if I followed Amo, of Nevio who’d become completely unhinged without me by his side, of Amo and his family who needed someone else. Amo couldn’t see it because he idealized me, because his feelings for me made him blind to the truth, to my limitations. I had to be the one making the hard decision, the one that would save so many, even Amo. Maybe even myself because Amo would come to despise me if he gave up becoming Capo for me.
“I won’t leave my family, Amo. I owe them everything and I love them more than anything else. If I have to choose between them and you, it’ll always be them. And if you really think about it, you’ll choose your family too.”
I could see the hurt in Amo’s eyes, the lack of understanding. “You know what’s between us. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it. I see how you look at me, Greta.”
What was between Amo and me was fateful in so many ways, it was a one in a lifetime love, a miracle. I would never love anyone as I loved him. I’d known it from the moment I’d looked into his eyes even when I hadn’t dared admitting it to myself, and it had been confirmed in every second that I’d spent with him after that. But our love would be our ruin. I was too logical not to see the consequences of our love. Cressida would play the victim, and most of the Famiglia would side with her. The Traditionalists would condemn Amo for his actions, not just for breaking an engagement, but worse, for being intimate with someone before marriage and then not marrying her. It would hurt the Vitiellos, possibly weaken them, and for them to reestablish power they’d have to react with sheer brutality as they always did.