Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Tears begin to fill my eyes. Doubt consumes me no matter what he says. “I don’t think it’s wise to make decisions in a time of mourning.”
He throws his head back laughing. “Baby, you’re cute. You know better than anyone I’m not mourning Anna for any reason other than she is my son’s mother and what he may or may not feel. But you’ve been here, and he hasn’t cried once since the memorial. He said goodbye and he’s made peace. I promise you with everything I am, as for grief over Anna, I have none lingering.”
I raise my eyebrow.
“Damn, Maritza. Circle of life. We all gotta die one day. If I die tomorrow, I just need to know Hollis is taken care of. I’m at peace with it. While unexpected, it was Anna’s time to go. I’m not making some emotional decision. Did that shit, it’s how I ended up married at eighteen.”
“You make everything so black and white.” I challenge.
He reaches out to cup my chin in his broad hand running his thumb over the side of my jaw. “I know what I want. There isn’t a reason to beat around the bush. I can’t say it will be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. And maybe this shit between us, it doesn’t work, but I can’t spend another day wondering what if.”
A tear escapes as I study him. With his other hand, he wipes it away.
“Just asking for a chance here, Maritza. Let’s explore what we could have. Fuck, we’ve been through more together than people married for fifty damn years. Hell, you’ve helped raise my son as your own. We’ve been co-parenting his whole life. Why can’t we try seeing what we can be together?”
“I can’t risk upsetting Hollis. If it doesn’t work,” again he shakes his head silencing me.
“What about if it does work? What if you and me fit perfectly and we build a beautiful life for Hollis? What if we don’t take the shot and both spend years longing for something right in front of us?”
God help me, I want this, and I think that is what scares me the most.
“You’ve literally seen me at rock bottom. Never judged me. You have practically raised my son. More than that, you didn’t look down on Anna. Regardless of how things ended, there was a time in my life she was my whole world. I will forever remember that. I won’t let the changes and the way things ended taint the good for my son. But Maritza I’ve had more bad than good, and you are fucking everything good. I want that for me and for Hollis.”
Letting out a sigh, I don’t know what to say because I know we could be good together. He is calm, steady, and carries himself in a way I know life will be easy most days. Everyone has troubles, but Dillon Jacoby isn’t a man to play games, and his priority is always family first. He is everything I’ve wanted in a man, but how do I take this leap when there is so much at risk? I can’t lose Hollis and if I lose Dillon I lose his son too.
He leans in forehead to forehead releasing my chin, “talk to me. Tell me what holds you back. Was that call not real? Did you not mean it? What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals, or it was all a joke?”
I pull back. “No, I meant it.”
“Then what?” His gaze is intense.
“I can’t be in a relationship where the scales are tipped.” He watches me intently. “If I upset you, or do something wrong, I don’t just lose you Dillon, I lose Hollis too.”
He jumps up and paces the small porch before coming back to the couch and leaning down over me. With a fist at each of my thighs he holds himself over me. “On everything, I would never take him from you. Maritza the sun rises and sets on you for my kid. You are a fuckin’ angel that has been the most steady person in his life. Even more than me and it kills me to admit that, but I have transports and unexpected runs. You, though, you’re his safe place. It doesn’t matter what you do, kill someone, cheat on me, turn me down, rip my heart out, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter, I will never take you from my son.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Baby,” he whispers, “please don’t get hung up on things and give me a chance. You talk about scales, shit Maritza, I fuck up with you, that’s my damn patch. Ruby will personally see to that shit. I want to do this right. For once in my fuckin’ life I don’t have a plan, I don’t want to rush into this.” He presses his lips to my forehead before pushing back to stand. “I don’t want to get this wrong. I don’t want to push.”