Total pages in book: 218
Estimated words: 205594 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1028(@200wpm)___ 822(@250wpm)___ 685(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 205594 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1028(@200wpm)___ 822(@250wpm)___ 685(@300wpm)
It’s quickly followed by an ache in my heart.
I would have done this for him. I would have touched him (and thoroughly enjoyed doing so). I would give him relief and make him feel so good…and yet he doesn’t want my touch unless it’s that of a mate. How deeply and utterly infuriating. I’m angry and frustrated, but most of all, I’m hurt. I’ve offered myself with no strings attached, and he’s turning me away. It makes me feel like he somehow finds my touch dirty.
Pushing away from the wall, I head back for the bedroom.
“Candra?” Nemeth’s voice is startled, wary. He realizes he’s been caught in the act.
“Go ahead and finish,” I call back to him, not turning around. “Or don’t. I don’t care what you do.”
I tap the light to turn it off, get back into bed, and pull the covers over my head like a child. My mouth is set in what feels like a permanent frown, and I just…ache. I ache because I’m dying for Nemeth to touch me and instead he’s sneaking off to jerk his cock in the darkness, hiding his need from me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low.
A short time later, the bed sinks with Nemeth’s weight. He touches my blanket-covered shoulder. “Candra?”
“I don’t want to talk. Go to sleep.”
He tugs at the blankets I have pulled over my head. “You are upset.”
“Of course I’m upset,” I grit out, frustrated. “I’ve offered myself to you on a silver platter and you push me away. Finding you touching yourself in the middle of the night when I’m in bed right next to you? Just waiting for you to touch me? It makes me feel like you don’t want me. You don’t approve of me unless I agree to be your mate. You make me feel like there’s something wrong with who I am. Like I’m dirty if I touch you without some stupid vows.”
“Candra, no.” His hand strokes my back through the blankets, and I wish it didn’t feel so good. “You misunderstand me.”
I suspect I’m not misunderstanding anything. Nice try, though.
He continues to rub my back. “I…I must relieve my body, Candra. It is the only way I can be around you without touching you.”
His words make me jerk upright, all frustration. I sit up in the darkness, glaring at the glow of his green eyes, the only thing I can see. “So touch me. I’m right here.”
“It is not that simple.” His eyes flicker. “I cannot compromise who I am, and a mate is everything to a Fellian. A female brings honor to her mate, and I would not dishonor you.”
“You weren’t thinking about honor when my mouth was on your knot,” I grumble.
“You woke me by surprise. No male would turn away such a thing.” A long claw strokes along the curve of my jaw. “I am a strong male, but not that strong, Candra.”
“So you didn’t like it.”
“No, that’s not the problem. I liked it too much.” His voice is achingly gentle. “I like you too much. I am just trying to love you and honor you in the best way I know how.”
I go still in surprise. “You…love me?”
“You sound surprised. Have I not made my affection for you clear?”
Has he? It’s hard to say. He’s kissed me and we’ve fooled around, but I didn’t realize love was a factor. Or am I so used to court morals and flirting that it all seems normal to me? “I mean…it could be clearer.”
“I asked you to be my mate,” Nemeth says gently. “I do not offer such things lightly. If I took a human female as my mate, I would be mocked before my people. They would not shun me, but they would make their displeasure very evident, and it would take many long years for my family name to return to honor. I know my brothers would be disgusted with me, my mother disappointed. I know all this and yet I still make this offer to you, because a life without you seems far more unbearable.” His thumb pad skims over my lower lip. “Would I take myself in hand all through the night if I did not care for you?”
“All through the night, huh?” How did I sleep through this?
He gives a wry chuckle and skims my lip again. “Being near you and not being able to touch you? It is maddening. But I would respect you. My people think so little of Liosians that I would have no one think I did not treat you with the utmost honor in our time here. Please do not be angry with me.”
“Well…I can’t be angry now,” I say, mollified. I feel better knowing that despite his serene facade, he’s desperate with wanting me.
Claws move to my chin and he tips it up, making me meet his eyes in the darkness. “Then say you will be my mate.”