Total pages in book: 218
Estimated words: 205594 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1028(@200wpm)___ 822(@250wpm)___ 685(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 205594 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1028(@200wpm)___ 822(@250wpm)___ 685(@300wpm)
“How can you ask that? You know the answer.” His eyes narrow as he studies me. “You think my feelings would change the moment I leave the tower, like Ravendor?”
The parallels between Ravendor’s story and my fate are a little worrisome, but I push those thoughts aside. “I wanted to hear more about the children that they had—Ravendor and Azamenth.”
“They aren’t mentioned except in context of the larger story. Why?”
“Because I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. “And I’m not supposed to be.”
Chapter
Sixty-Three
Nemeth’s hands go still. He freezes under me, his expression unchanging. For a long moment, I don’t dare breathe. His hands slide up my arms, and then he grips my shoulders tight. “What do you mean, you’re pregnant?”
“I’ve been told all my life that I can’t get pregnant. That because of the blood curse, that I’m infertile. But I haven’t had my period in weeks now, and I’m sick in the mornings. My stomach is hard, just like Erynne’s was when she found out she was pregnant with Allionel.” When he continues to stare at me in disbelief, I add, “I asked the knife and it said I was pregnant.”
He’s utterly silent, and as the moments slide past, my skin prickles with discomfort. “How long have you known?”
I know the calm in his voice. He’s angry. So angry. My heart feels as if it has stopped in my chest. “Since we were in the tower.”
Those accusing eyes widen. “And you’re just now telling me?”
I know I’ve done wrong. I sit up higher, determined to somehow explain away the guilt I’m feeling. “I didn’t want you to feel as if I was manipulating you. Trapping you into being with me,” I babble, frantic. “I know you don’t want this. I didn’t even know it was possible.”
“And yet you let me take you from the tower, knowing that the goddess’s wrath might fall upon both of us—”
“Because I want to stay with you,” I cry. “I can’t let you leave me behind! I want us to face the future together!”
“Except you didn’t want to tell me you were pregnant with my child,” he bites out. “Until you were going to get left behind once more. You’re using it as a game piece, trying to outmaneuver me.”
“I’m not,” I declare hotly. I’m offended by his words, moreso because I understand exactly how he’s feeling. In a way, I’m feeling just as betrayed as he is. I’ve been told lies all my life and now I’m reaping the consequences. But he’s looking at me with such accusation that I can’t stand it. I want to defend myself, to make him realize I’m not trying to deceive. Instead, what comes out is even worse. “You weren’t exactly clamoring to come on my belly,” I accuse, near tears. This is all going horribly wrong. “You wanted to give me your knot.”
He rears up under me, trying to get to his feet. “Because I thought it was safe—”
“I thought it was too! All my life I’ve been told that I’m useless and barren. That I am meant nothing. That I am the worst of my bloodline because I am a dead end, a loose thread that goes nowhere. How do you think I feel? The records are clear that Ravendor’s descendants with the blood curse never have children, and yet here I am, pregnant. It’s obvious that it’s because you’re Fellian.”
“How is that the obvious reason?”
“I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, Nemeth. I haven’t saved myself for marriage. Why bother when I’m barren? I’ve had more than my fair share of lovers at court—”
“I don’t want to hear about your past lovers.” His eyes darken, his expression growing intense.
“—and not a single one of them has ever gotten me pregnant.” I want to grab him by his shoulders and shake him. To make him understand. “You said you could move through shadows with me, right? And that it felt different this last time? And you didn’t know why you could do either? It’s because of me. My blood. Ravendor’s story must have some seed of truth in it, because I have Fellian blood in my veins and maybe that’s what’s poisoning me. Maybe that’s what allowed me to become pregnant with your child. I don’t know! I don’t have the answers!” I’m babbling but I can’t seem to stop. I just need him to know, need him to understand. “All I know is that I love you and I’m terrified you’re going to hate me now because you never wanted children—”
“Shh,” Nemeth tells me. He wraps his arms around me, and then a moment later, his wings slither out from under his back and envelop both of us in a cocoon. “Calm yourself, Candra.”
“I’m not trying to deceive you,” I choke. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to stop loving me because of a child I didn’t know we could have—”