Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82579 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82579 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
I feel her inside of me. She’s buried under normal, nervous Carmie right now, but she’s still there waiting for the chance to come out.
I lean in and kiss my husband. “You’re right. I’ve got this.”
“That’s my girl. Fuck her up for me.”
The judge calls my name. My opponent is a few years older, lean and tall. Her mask is on, and I don’t even know her name, but it doesn’t matter. I slip on my gear and walk toward the piste, toward my position and the first bout in a very, very long time. I’m buzzing with the electricity of it, with the anticipation, with the elation.
“Fencers ready?” the judge calls.
I look to the side. The girls are there cheering me on. And Lev is right in the front. He nods, face storming and serious. Fuck her up, he mouths.
“Fencers?” the judge says again. My opponent is already at her place.
I step forward onto the piste, take my stance, and get ready.
“En garde!”
Chapter 44
Lev
Four Months Later
“You sure these fumes are okay?” I ask as Carmie rolls more paint onto the wall.
“It’s fine. Probably. I think.” She shrugs a little, and fuck, she’s beautiful. Now that she’s showing, I can’t get enough of touching her bump.
And when the baby kicks?
Kills me just a little bit.
That’s my child in there waiting to come out.
“You know, if we had found out the sex—” I start, but she silences me by flinging paint in my direction.
“We’re done with this argument, okay? I want to be surprised.” She gestures at the walls. “Gender neutral is fine.”
“Gender neutral is… sure, it’s fine.”
The walls are yellow. A weird, pale yellow. It doesn’t look bad, but it doesn’t look good either. Except this is what Carmie picked, and if that’s what she wants, that’s what she gets.
Things have been tougher for her lately. The pregnancy is slowing her fencing down big time. She’s training a little bit, doing what’s safe, but her doctor doesn’t want her competing. Which means the small handful of tournaments she competed in back in Canada will have to be enough until after she gives birth.
It’s nice being back home. We’re only here for a little while—things up north aren’t totally settled yet—but it’s a nice visit. Carmie saw her friends and her brothers, spoke with her dad a little bit, and met with her fencing coach to go over a reasonable training regimen.
Meanwhile, I’ve been making my own rounds. Dinner with Valentin, meetings with members of the Zeitsev Bratva, conversations with Alex about business and what he’s been up to.
It’s a lot, but it’s good. I like staying busy. I like having purpose. When I feel the mask slipping and the darkness in me roaring for blood and pain, I can remember what I’m fighting for: Carmie and the baby, the life we’re building, Alex and my sister and their kid.
Everything’s coming together.
We finish painting and call it a night. Carmie sighs as I rub her feet on the couch. It’s late, and I can tell she’s ready for bed, but there’s something bothering her.
“You want to spill it or do I have to force it out of you?” I ask her as casually as I can.
“I’m that obvious, huh?”
“Only to me.”
She shifts slightly, pulling her foot from my lap. “It’s the baby. And Canada.”
“We discussed this.”
“I know we did. But I just… I really want them to be born here. In Philadelphia. Not just across the border.”
“Carmie,” I say softly. “You know I have to be there. I don’t want to be, but until Valentin tells me otherwise, that’s my place.”
“I know.” She looks down at her lap and starts blinking rapidly. Ah, shit, I made her fucking cry like an asshole.
“Come here.” I pull her closer and kiss her gently. “What changed?”
“Seeing everyone. Talking to my brothers. I just don’t want to raise the baby in Canada without my family and my friends. It’s cold up there, and I feel so isolated.”
“What should we do then?”
“Talk to Valentin. Tell him we’re done.”
“Baby—”
“Please, Lev? Can you do that for me?”
I kiss her softly. I’m not sure that’s going to work, but we have been in Canada for a while, and the deal with Simon’s been solid. He’s a trustworthy and competent partner, everything Olivier never was. The goods are flowing as promised, and while there have been small issues, it’s nothing that I couldn’t handle from here.
“Exile has to end sooner or later,” I say softly, nodding to myself. “Six months was a long time.”
“It was so long.”
“I’ll speak to him. Ask him for one more month, and when we’re a month out from your due date, we’ll come back.”
“You’re really going to ask?”
I hug her tight against me and press my hand on her belly. The baby doesn’t kick, but that’s okay. There’s time for that. There’s still a lot of time for me and her.