Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 87629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
“Mandy,” I say. “That’s not necessary—”
“Isn’t it?” She glares at me. “Why won’t you talk to me, Jackson? You said you loved me and then—”
“Mandy, please…”
“Just don’t.” She walks into her building, up the stairs.
I follow her.
I take her key from her as I always do, open the door for her, and follow her when she walks inside. Roger is barking and squealing to go out.
“You can leave now,” she says. “I have to take the dog out.”
“I’ll do it,” I say.
She gives Roger a quick scratch behind his ears and then points to his leash on the table. “Suit yourself.”
Yeah, I asked for that. I leash Roger. “Come on, boy. Let’s go do your business.”
I walk Roger for a few blocks, bag up his poop, and hit the nearest trash can. Twenty minutes later, we’re back at Mandy’s place. I let myself in.
Mandy sits on the couch, wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt. She’s already scrubbed her face of her makeup.
My God, she looks beautiful.
“He’s all set. He should be good until morning.” I let out a soft scoff at my own words. It is morning. Early morning, but still morning.
I unhook Roger’s leash, and he runs to his bowl and takes a sip of water.
“I’m ready to talk now, Amanda.”
“Are you? That’s interesting, because I’m not.”
“Mandy…”
“Jackson, I’m tired. I can’t do this with you right now. Call me tomorrow, okay?”
She’s right. This is better left until we’re both fully rested and fully out of the clouds of that orgasm.
“Okay. I’ll call you. Sometime before noon.”
“Fine.”
I want to go to her. I want to at least give her a kiss on the cheek. Hug her. Pull her close to me and whisper that she’s my best friend and I need her.
But she’s sending off waves of anger. Wistful anger. Exhausted anger.
So I’ll wait.
I’ll wait until tomorrow, and I’ll call her. We’ll meet somewhere. Not here or at my place but on neutral ground. Somewhere quiet where we can speak privately.
“Good night, Mandy.”
“Good night, Jackson.”
I give Roger a quick pet, let him lick my face, and then I leave, making sure her door is locked securely.
I reach my hand up to hail a cab when I realize I’m not ready to go home. I just need to walk, to blow off the steam that’s boiling inside me. I’ll walk to my place.
When a dive bar comes into view, I go in. I want to sit, have a drink of some kind of rotgut, and think about where my life is heading.
“Last call, friend,” the barkeep says to me.
“That’s all I need. Bourbon, please.”
“Brand?”
“The worst rotgut you’ve got.”
“Been that kind of night, huh?” He pours me a shot of something that doesn’t even have a label on it.
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“A woman?”
“You got that right.” I shoot the bourbon, letting the smoky rawness crawl like acid down my throat. “Could I bother you for another?” I slide a fifty across the bar. Money talks.
He pockets the bill. “Sure. But this time it’s really last call.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Amanda
The clock ticks.
Okay, the only clock in my apartment is on my phone, and it doesn’t technically tick, but I hear it in my head—a bizarre sound that makes me tenser with every minute that passes. It’s nearing one p.m.
Jackson promised to call before noon. That we’d talk.
Like a fool, I believed him.
Damn it. I heard him say the words. I heard him say that he loves me. Clearly, he spoke only in the heat of the moment. Must’ve been a great orgasm for him, too.
Are we back to this again? Are we going to go another month without speaking? Just because he got into something that he can’t deal with?
As much as I love him, and as much as I know I will always love him, perhaps he truly is not the right man for me.
Maybe it’s time…
Maybe it’s time to update that Lustr profile. If a relationship is what I want, I have to face the fact that it may not be with Jackson.
I was looking for a teacher, and Jackson at least gave me that.
I know a lot more than I did two months ago, for sure. I know I enjoy a little bit of kink. I know I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. I have some ideas about how to give blow jobs. I’ll be able to do even better if my hands are available to me.
After getting in a few hours of work, I decide to call Michael to book another training session at the gym. I sure as heck paid for that last one. It was awful. I hurt for a week, but like a moron, I didn’t go back and continue the training. I let my body heal, and now I have to do it all over again and be in pain.