Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97229 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97229 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
I couldn’t hold the pain back. My voice was wracked with hurt.
“I WOULDN’T HAVE CARED, HANS! I’D HAVE BEEN WITH YOU!”
“I know, sweetheart, and believe me, if I could’ve known what was coming for you, I’d have pulled you into the Garway vault alongside me and protected you from the torture.” He paused. “But then you wouldn’t have had Lillian…”
Lillian.
The memories kept on flowing, as real as life.
I was Mary in my visions, kneeling at the altar at Garway, crying for the man I’d lost. How could I have ever known he’d been underneath me, living out his undead existence while I carried on, oblivious?
It made me tremble as I realised he must have been under there while I married Mark a few years later – my beautiful Lillian’s father. Hans must have been under there as I had Lillian christened, looking at my baby and her bright blue eyes.
Then more…
He must have been lying in a coffin under the floor during the funeral procession, when Mark passed away from sickness. Lillian was just eight years old when she lost her father. And just a few months older when she lost me.
A fresh rush of whispers coursed through my mind…
Mary the witch, from a line of witches. Evil sinners of witchcraft. In league with the devil.
She killed him! She killed her husband with her evil magic!
What?!
No!
NO!
“Yes,” Hans whispered. “It’s painful, little one, but you have to let the past come back.”
I wanted to block out the memories, but they wouldn’t stop.
People had blamed my witchcraft for Mark’s death, convinced that such a strong local farmer, a man in his prime had been taken because of my deals with demons. But I hadn’t, of course. I loved Mark. I always loved Mark. I always would love Mark.
Just not as much as I’d loved Hans…
My world was shaking all around me. There had been so much pain for all of us. So much hurt left unhealed.
“I know,” Hans whispered. “Believe me, the hurt sent me into a turmoil of broken faith for lifetimes. I’m still amazed I ever came through it.”
My emotions were nothing but a jumbled mass of panic, pain and revelation as the spirit of Mary in me came to life in the present. I felt her rising in me, like a phoenix from the ashes, hurt but strong. Delicate but fierce.
She’d have died for anyone she loved. Fought for anyone she loved. Sacrificed everything she had for anyone she loved.
SHE.
But SHE was I.
SHE was ME.
My mind came alive with rational questions. Why, what, how, when, where…
I knew what Hans was going to say before he said it.
“Feelings not thoughts, remember?”
I tried to heed his words as the memories slowed. I felt the years of love for Hans, and my darling Lillian and for Mark, the devout man who loved me after Hans was gone.
I was a widow twice over, even though the Church only ever formally recognised me as the wife of Mark. I’d been the emotional widow of Hans Weyer, too. And maybe on some weird level, that was why my grandmother had been so vicious with her dismissal of everything my soul had remembered. If she felt her own calling deep within, maybe her deeper self was protecting me from the pain she knew herself. She’d watched my grandfather die in an accident. She was a widow herself.
“Yes, there are many layers to people’s pasts and soul memories,” Hans said.
“And so many choices make along the way. Maybe not all conscious ones, I guess.”
“Indeed.” Hans squeezed me tighter, and then he smiled. “You never knew this, but I was going to relinquish my knighthood and vow of celibacy for you. I was going to ask you to be my bride, but I didn’t get the chance. I was captured on the day I spoke with the priest.”
I got a fresh rush of pain in my heart.
“I’d have said yes!”
“I know you would.”
I looked up at my beautiful Hans’ face through my tears, sobbing fresh at the recognition of the eyes I knew so well. They were greener now, yes, but they still had the same love in them. Love for ME.
He stroked my hair with a pained smile.
“The torture I endured was brutal beyond all words, but it was nothing compared to the loss I felt at watching you live your life without me.”
“You could have come for me!”
He shook his head. “Selflessness is the greatest gift of all. I chose my torment over yours, hoping you’d find a new love and a sweet Orcop life to keep you happy.”
“I didn’t have a happy ending though, did I? They drowned me as my daughter watched, with Mark’s body fresh in the ground! Why didn’t you save me? Why didn’t you save me and Lillian?”
Hans tensed as though I’d stabbed him.