Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 162003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 810(@200wpm)___ 648(@250wpm)___ 540(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 162003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 810(@200wpm)___ 648(@250wpm)___ 540(@300wpm)
“Baby’s growing very nicely,” the technician said. She fiddled with some more knobs and buttons, and then the sound came through the speakers.
I looked at Ryland through bleary eyes as I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. He kept running his free hand through his hair, messing it up while he stared at the screen with a dazed expression on his face. It was a mixture of terror and awe, and I doubted he even realized how tight he was gripping my hand.
“Sounds nice and healthy too,” the technician remarked. “Are we wanting to know the sex today?”
I looked at Ryland, and he nodded. “Yes, please.”
His voice was hoarse, which surprised me.
“Everything looks great.” The technician finished up and wiped the gel from my tummy. “So I’ll show these to Dr. Maria, and she’ll be in soon to let you know. Just lay back and relax, in case she needs to do an exam.”
I smiled and nodded, and she walked from the room. I didn’t even get a chance to talk it over with Ryland before the doctor came in. They were fast and efficient here. I guess that’s what money bought you.
She went over my chart again and told me everything was progressing normally, which relaxed Ryland a little further. Then we got to the good stuff.
“Okay, so I see a note here that you’d like to know the sex?”
“Yes,” I answered nervously.
Dr. Maria looked up at both of us with a large smile as she pointed at the picture.
“Congratulations mom and dad, it looks like you’re having a little boy.”
“A boy?” I squeaked.
The tears were leaking out of my eyes now, but they were completely happy ones this time. Ryland looked a little pale but flashed me a boyish grin as he processed the news.
Dr. Maria wrapped everything up and said she expected to see me back in a month and to call her should I need anything. Ryland and I both thanked her before she left, finally giving us a minute to digest everything that had just happened.
He stood up and locked the door behind her while I sat up to right my clothing. But before I could, he was back in front of me.
“Wait,” he pleaded.
I paused, leaving my shirt rolled up. He sank to his knees before me and lifted his trembling hands towards my belly, hesitating for the slightest of moments. He expected me to tell him no, but I didn’t. He splayed his hands across my belly and gave it a gentle kiss. It was undoubtedly the sweetest thing he’d ever done.
He pressed his cheek against me and just sat there for a moment, his eyes closed, and his face relaxed. His warmth melted into me and brought on a sharp pang of longing. I missed these intimate moments between us so much. I wanted to reach down and thread my fingers through his dark hair. I wanted things to be good between us again. Without all the bullshit. Was that even possible?
“It’s killing me,” he rasped, nestling his face against my tummy. “It’s killing me that I can’t protect you, Brighton. That I almost destroyed the only good thing I had left in my life.”
I remained as still as a statue, but the tears were flowing down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to say. What to do. I didn’t feel strong anymore. I felt like I couldn’t go on without him. He loved me fiercely. Obsessively. Rivalled only by the intensity which I felt for him. So why couldn’t we be together?
“I can’t believe we made this,” he continued. “And that I almost took it away with my stupidity. I understand why you hate me, Brighton. I do. But, I don’t want things to be this way.”
“I don’t hate you, Ryland,” I murmured. “I could never hate you. Even when I really wanted to.”
He blinked up at me and shook his head. “I thought I could make it up to you. I thought we could get past it. But when I found out you hid this from me, I realized you really did hate me. There was no getting past it.”
I didn’t get angry at his words because I understood what he was trying to say in his roundabout way. This was Ryland telling me he was sorry. And that I’d hurt him. He’d never admit it aloud, but it was there in his eyes. Over the last two months, I’d watched the blueness of those eyes evaporate to gray. I’d watched him punish himself with whiskey and anger. He was falling apart, and I hated seeing him like this. My normally faultless, beautiful Ryland looked so broken and lost. So fragile and disordered. Neither one of us could continue to go on this way. We had to figure this out, for all of our sakes.