Total pages in book: 22
Estimated words: 21092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 105(@200wpm)___ 84(@250wpm)___ 70(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 105(@200wpm)___ 84(@250wpm)___ 70(@300wpm)
“Jane, stop. Where are you going?”
Without looking at him, I say, “I’m going to let you rest.”
His hand goes to my shoulder, and he stops me from leaving. “Look at me.”
CHAPTER 5
GRANT
This is going too fast, but I see no way in slowing it down. I thought I’d have days to get myself together, but already I can see everything coming to a head. I shouldn’t have asked, but I also knew that the first opening I had, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. This has been on my mind for the last seven years, and I haven't had the balls to ask her before now. And now she’s telling me that since the day we said I do, she hasn’t been with another man.
She doesn’t turn to look at me, but at least she’s no longer trying to escape. My voice is husky and filled with emotion. “Honey.”
I move to stand beside her. “Look at me.”
She raises her head and looks at me through hooded eyes. It takes everything in me to not lean down and kiss her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She shakes her head, but it doesn’t hide the pain reflected back at me in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Grant.”
I put my finger on her chin and tilt it up. “Everything about you matters. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She takes a step back and puts distance between us. “It’s nothing.”
I give her a soft smile. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
She nods, and I look back at the bed. Talking here is probably not a good idea, so I point down the hallway. “Want to talk in the living room?”
She nods and disappears out the door. I follow behind her, and when she sits down on the couch, I sit on the coffee table in front of her. She has her hands held together in front of her, and she’s staring at her fingers.
I wrap both of my hands around hers. “When we got married seven years ago, I didn’t really think things through…”
She tenses and tries to pull from me, but I’m not letting her go. “No, listen to me, Jane. Let me just get this out.”
She nods her head, and I start to ramble. “I married you because I couldn’t leave you. Your brother was my best friend, but it’s more than that. I wanted—I needed—to know you were going to be okay. I thought I could leave you here in my house and go on about my life, but I couldn’t. You’re all I’ve thought about.”
Finally, she looks at me, and I continue. “I went out with the guys a few times and the first time after we got married, I didn’t think anything of it. A woman was flirting with me—”
Her eyes widen, and I rush the rest out. “Hear me out. A woman was flirting with me, and it didn’t feel right. I left immediately, and all I could think about was you.” I take a deep breath and let it out. “I know what you thought back there. I know you thought I cheated on you, but I didn’t. I haven’t dated anyone since we got married, Jane.” As if that’s not enough, I put it all out there. “I haven’t talked, flirted, kissed, or had sex with someone else. Our vows meant something to me that day.”
Her forehead creases. “I want to believe you…”
“But you don’t?” I ask her with surprise.
She shakes her head. “It’s been seven years, Grant. You’re telling me that you weren’t with anyone else, but you weren’t here with me either. And don’t tell me in those seven years, you couldn’t have come home. I’ve seen you once, and even that one time you came home, you ended up leaving early.”
I lean my head down and shake my head. She’s exactly right. I could have come home a hundred times and chose not to. But I couldn’t. How can I explain it to her? I owe it to her to try. “Right. You’re right, but there’s more to it. The one time I came home, I was still trying to convince myself to do the right thing. You were nineteen, Jane. I sort of forced you into this whole situation and—”
She cuts me off. “You didn’t force me into anything.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I took advantage of you. You were eighteen and didn’t have many other choices. I got you into this.”
She lifts her hand up. “You’re making it sound like I didn’t have a say in any of this. I wanted this, Grant. Even then, I knew I wanted this and even more so now. I’ve grown up these last few years, and I wouldn’t change my past… not any part of it.”
I take a deep breath, waiting for the guilt to assuage, but it doesn’t. For so long, I’ve felt the guilt of getting her into this. She’s been alone all this time when she deserved more. I know I didn’t do the right thing. I could have helped her without forcing her to marry me, but it didn’t cross my mind at the time. I have so much to make up to her.