Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Chapter 8 – Lilly
I sit at the breakfast bar in the kitchen staring at the enormous bouquet of flowers in front of me. They arrived this morning with a card that simply read: Theo x.
It's the third bouquet this week. Just the sight of them reminds me of my steamy encounter with Theo last week. The memory of his lips, his touch, the taste of him is all branded into my mind. Even though I know he’s bad for me, so so bad, I want to see him again. I want to feel that buzz of energy that I have when I’m around him, to see his reactions to even the lightest of my touches. I like the way he makes me feel, confident and strong, and its real when I'm around him, not just the front I put on for the world. That is why I had sex with him, because despite his many flaws I am drawn to him in a way I can’t even explain to myself.
Despite all that though I know that the second I give in to him the little strength I have will wain and become consumed by him. He makes me feel strong, but in doing so he renders me weak. He is my weakness. He's dangerous to someone like me. He makes me feel alive, in fact no, he just makes me feel. That is the scariest thing about him. I need to stay strong. In an alarmingly short space of time he's become an infuriatingly addictive drug, a drug I need to quit before my addiction destroys me. The problem with that, as proven by the flowers sat in front of me, is he won’t just let me walk away. Its human nature to want the unattainable, and that is why he wants me...because I said no. It's the law of sod.
If there's one thing I've learnt in this life it's not to trust anyone. The only one you can truly rely on is yourself. When someone like Theodore Ellis pops up on your radar you should run like hell. He's a head fuck and no matter how he makes me feel, one way or another he will screw me over in the end. Guaranteed. The best thing I can do is just ignore him. We had sex, it was good, end of.
"Wow. Are those from him?" Molly startles me from my thoughts. Molly and George had the biggest I told you so smiles when I told them, oh and not to mention the fact that I lost a hundred quid.
"Um, yeah." I stumble.
"Well he's persistent." She smiles innocently.
"I find men often can be when they want something." I raise an eyebrow at her.
"You're such a cynic." She mutters.
"No, I’m realistic." Molly is the sort of woman men flock to. She loves men and they love her. She has a boyfriend for a couple months then gets bored and moves on, leaving a string of broken hearts in her wake. Molly however has definitely never experienced a man like Theo before. Molly attracts nice boys. I apparently attract arseholes.
"Well, he's already screwed you, so if that's all he's after then he wouldn't be sending flowers now would he?" She looks so pleased with herself. I just scowl at her.
"He's that guy that every girl wants to believe she can change Molly... I'm not that naive. I'm just disappointed in myself for being so damn weak. God knows I hate that feeling." I frown down at my hands.
She smiles sympathetically.
"What do you fancy for dinner?" She asks changing the subject.
"I don't mind as long as it's accompanied by copious amounts of wine." My stress levels are off the chart right now.
Molly laughs. "Ok. Where's George?"
"I think he's rehearsing again." George got the big job he auditioned for last week. He's been out rehearsing almost every evening since. The rehearsals are ruthless and unrelenting. Twice this week I’ve found him stood in ice baths. It's punishing.
Molly and I spend the evening eating chicken fajitas, which is one of my favourites, washed down with white wine, lots of white wine. I'm aware that I’m being less than talkative. I'm in a bad mood and I’m stressed. Molly doesn't try to coax conversation out of me. She knows better.
The weekend comes around quickly and brings with it a rare bout of sunshine in the disappointing English summer. Last month its flood warnings, now they're warning there might be a heat wave, still, it lifts my spirits. Molly and I decide in a slightly over enthusiastic move to try and soak up some vitamin D and go to the park across the street from the flat.
I lay sprawled on my back next to Molly on a blanket which we've spread across the grass. I close my eyes and sigh contently. The sun feels so good against my bare legs. The distant hum of London traffic is drowned out by the birds singing optimistically and the gentle rustle of leaves in the soft breeze.