Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Zach confesses his truest love for me, and I can’t let go of a stupid missing like on social media.
A long pause lands between us before he nods several times. “It’s when I realized that while I gave you something important, I also took something too.”
I mirror his slow nod. I think I understand, but I don’t know what to say so I pull out the divorce papers and hand them to him. For a few seconds he stares at them, like if he touches them it will make things real. I know the feeling. It’s the same one I had when I signed them.
Every day since Suzie died, we’ve been searching for something real when it’s been real all along. And now it’s too late. We are over, and that’s our new reality.
After he takes the papers, I unfasten my seat belt and open the door. “If you’re ever in London …”
He does that hard swallow again. “Absolutely.”
I climb out of his car and duck my head back inside, giving him my very best smile. “Zach, you’re still the greatest human I have ever known. And I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. That’s … that’s what I started to say earlier. I just thought you should know. That’s why I’m surprised someone hasn’t grabbed ahold of you. I know I never wanted to let go.”
He’s not lost his ability to keep me captive with a look, and after a long, silent pause, he gives me what I know has to be his very best smile too. “Thank you, Emersyn.”
I catch the door at the last second, gripping the handle until I can’t feel my fingers, and I close my eyes.
I don’t want anything left unsaid between us.
I ease back into the passenger’s seat, keeping my eyes straight ahead, my heart hammering until I feel my whole body vibrate.
“Em?”
Drawing in a long breath, I swallow hard. “I … know.” Again, I swallow past the emotion. “The night she died, I heard the commotion. I tiptoed to your room and just … watched. I know what you did.”
I can’t look at him. He doesn’t seem to move or even breathe. Then all at once, a painful sob breaks from his chest, and his whole body trembles. As I blink a river of tears, I close my eyes, reach my hand over and rest it on his leg. His hand covers mine, squeezing unbearably hard.
He no longer bears this secret alone. I love him too much to walk away without taking some of his burden, the way he’s unconditionally carried so much of mine.
“I’ve n-never seen s-such…” I can barely speak past the ache in my chest “…a selfless, beautiful act of love.”
I climb out and shut the door.
CHAPTER FORTY
Zach
Three knocks at the door to my tiny house. It’s Mom. Always three knocks.
“Come in.” I close my book and stand from my chair.
“Hey, look who wanted to see you.”
I grin at Nila asleep in the carrier attached to my mom. “She can’t see me while she’s sleeping, and we both know you’re not going to let me hold her.”
“You are so wrong, my dear boy.” Mom unfastens Nila and hands her to me. We manage to make the exchange without waking her. “I need to pee before I wet myself.”
I softly chuckle as she bolts toward my toilet.
Easing back into my chair, my nose goes straight to Nila’s head. The addictiveness of baby smell is real, minus poop and spit-up.
“Tell me you still want a family someday,” Mom says when she exits the bathroom and takes a seat in the chair adjacent to mine.
Keeping my chin tipped to my chest, I stare at Nila. “Want …” I whisper. “I’m not sure life cares about what I want. I’m pretty much at its mercy. Taking whatever it gives me and trying to accept it.”
“You know … she didn’t die.”
My gaze lifts to hers as I narrow my eyes.
“Emersyn. She didn’t die. You willingly let her go.”
I shake my head. “Willingly is not the right word.”
“No?” Mom’s head cants to the side. “Then what is the right word?”
“I stepped aside.”
She frowns. “Willingly.”
Again, I shake my head.
“Yes, Zachary. You let her go; she didn’t leave you.”
“Same difference.”
“It’s not.”
I grunt. “What was I supposed to do? Ask her to give up on her dreams to clean houses and pop out my babies?”
“Zachary Kendrick Hays.” Mom’s frown deepens. “Just … stop.”
“Stop what?” I ask, feeling a little annoyed with this conversation.
“Stop making excuses. Stop pretending you’ve moved on. Stop pretending that you’re a martyr, only looking out for everyone around you. I’m not buying it. And I’d let it slide if I weren’t watching you do the same darn thing every day. Work. Eat. Sleep. Longingly admire what your brother has. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.”
“We’re on different paths. We’re at different places in our lives. It was just … bad timing. And I’ve accepted that. Sorry if I haven’t jumped into another relationship. I was lucky enough to find two great women to love in my life, maybe that’s it for me.”