Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 94829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
“He was a good man.” Tigran glances away. “I’m going to kill the men responsible.”
“Don’t get yourself hurt.” I’m not sure why I said that. Maybe some misplaced sense of connection? But I can’t forget that we’re just a business arrangement. I’m a uterus with legs to him. A pair of tits, a few fertile eggs, not much more. Just a Russian girl.
“You care about your husband now?” He almost smiles. It’s there, that teasing grin, just lurking under the surface.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” I should get up and leave, but I don’t. I feel strangely comfortable right now. Like I’m safe.
Even though being with Tigran is the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done.
“I’ve been lucky for a while now,” he says, that hint of a smile disappearing. “I have a lot of enemies in this city, but I’ve managed to stay ahead of them for a while. Now they’ve caught up, and there’s going to be a reckoning.”
“The McGraths are an Irish family, right?”
“Small arms, mostly. They buy and sell illegal guns with some drugs on the side. We’ve been in competition for years, and they’re not happy that our families are making an alliance.”
“So they tried to kill us.”
“It looks that way from what I can piece together.”
“Will it be bad? The fighting?”
“It’s never good. Killing is necessary. Violence keeps my family safe from their enemies. But it’s never good.”
“That’s a rough way of looking at the world.”
“The world’s got no way at all. There’s no meaning to any of this. We’re born, we bleed, we suffer, and then it’s back to the dirt. Some of us get more time than others.” He glances away again. Thinking about Damian? “In the end, it’s all ash and blood.” He takes a long drink from his whiskey, the ice clattering against the glass.
“I don’t believe that,” I say softly, pulling into myself. I hug my knees to my chest and avoid his eyes. What a grim, sad worldview. I can’t imagine waking up every day and seeing nothing but suffering and pain ahead of me.
“Then why do you hide in your room?”
I straighten like he punched me. I don’t know why, but the way he says that itches at my spine. Like he’s mocking me or something.
“Just because I’m more comfortable away from all that doesn’t mean I think life is just meaningless and bleak. There’s good stuff too.”
“Like what, little doll?” He leans toward me. Brutal sadness leaks off him in thick waves. It’s almost choking, his dark rage.
“The way you saved me, for one,” I say, meeting those cold eyes. I should cower away. I should shrink into a little, meek ball, like a mouse playing dead in front of a hungry cat. “That was something good.”
“It was selfish.”
“No, it wasn’t. You didn’t need to, but you did anyway.”
“If I lose you, I also lose the alliance.”
My jaw works. Anger glitters in my stomach. “Is that really why you did it? That’s why you dragged me inside to safety instead of going straight to Damian?”
He grimaces like I punched him in the face. Then he nods. “That’s right.”
I kick my legs out and get to my feet. He stares at me as I step away from the couch, trying not to let him see how much that upset me. “I still refuse to believe the world is meaningless and everything’s just evil. I’ve seen lots of good. I’ve had terrible things happen to me, but I’m still an optimist.”
He licks his lips. “Like how you got that scar?”
My fingers lift up and touch it. “If anyone’s got a right to become a hateful nihilist, it’s me, but I refuse to give up like that. And you shouldn’t either.”
He seems surprised as he finishes his drink and grips the glass in one hand. That smile is back, bigger now. “I knew there was a little fire in you after all.”
I roll my eyes at him, frustrated and annoyed. “And you care more than you let on.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” He stands firm. I step back, heart racing suddenly. I keep forgetting how big and powerful he is. This man could take my head in his hands and crack my skull to pieces if he wanted. I’m nothing in front of him.
Just a little doll.
“You’ve got this big, bad monster act going on, but you still dove on top of me when you didn’t have to. You’re not evil.”
“If you knew half the terrible things I’ve done, you’d run screaming from this room.” He steps closer. I move back. Like we’re doing a dance, except it’s not fun. Just really terrifying. “I think life’s a rotten fucking mess because that’s all I’ve ever seen. I think I’m evil to my core because that’s all I’ve ever been. I protected you because we cut a deal, and that’s it.”