Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
But…Hassen?
Hassen, I agree. He’s been a good friend to me, believe it or not.
I trust your judgment. Lila’s expression is sad. But I’m still going to worry about you.
Oh, I’ll worry about you, too, I sign to her. How can I not? She’s my baby sister, and it doesn’t matter that she can take care of herself and she’s got a mate to watch her back. I’m always going to worry and want to take over and help out. Maybe that’s how she feels about me, too. The anxiety and resentment I’ve been feeling towards Lila’s happiness is gone. It’s weird, but I’ve been slowly figuring out that if I need something—emotional support, friendship, even breakfast—I have to take charge and get it on my own. It’s not going to fall in my lap, and people aren’t going to make excuses for me being a shitty person. If I want things to change, I have to make them change. I just hate that an earthquake had to demolish our home in order for me to realize that.
Change is good. It’s not always easy, but it’s good. And it’s time I made a few changes.
I’ll see you back at the Elders’ Cave, I sign to Lila. I love you. Don’t get killed, okay?
I’m going to a fruit cave, she signs back, her smile wry. It’s not dangerous.
Not unless the entire horde of metlaks has moved in there, but I don’t say that. I don’t even want to put it out into the universe. Just be careful anyhow.
I will. She pauses in her signing and then gives me a curious look. Is…something going on between you and Hassen?
Why do you ask?
Because I’m deaf, not stupid? Her mouth quirks into a wry smile. I just know he can be pushy.
And I can’t? I tease back.
True. I guess if anyone can tame him, it can be you.
The thought of taming someone leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Taming implies that I’m going to ‘fix’ him. Break him to my will. And that’s not what I’m interested in at all. I like Hassen just like he is—impetuous and overbearing, sure, but it’s because he cares too much. He feels things too keenly. And I don’t want to break that. We’re going on this together as friends, I tell my sister. If we end up more than that, you will be the first one I tell.
Fair enough. She pauses in her signing and then grabs me in a fierce hug.
And I hug her back just as tightly, because this can’t be the last time I see her. It won’t be. I can’t even think that or I’m going to start crying.
But Lila has to go her path, and I have to go mine. I can’t let Hassen go out on his own. Not now, not when he needs someone at his back the most.
12
MADDIE
Hassen and I set out a short time later with only a single small supply pack. There’s not much to pack in there, other than an extra water-skin or two. All the rations are left with the tribe. We have two spears and a knife, but everything else is going to have to be made from scratch as we journey. Extra sleds, extra blankets, you name it—we’re going to have to make them. And with every item we’re not bringing along, I realize that this is going to be one motherfucker of a journey. I’d bitch about it, but I can’t say that our journey is going to be any rougher than anyone else’s. I look back at the tribe, gathered in a tight cluster, and I’m pretty sure I can still hear the wailing babies. There are a few people carrying a makeshift gurney for Pashov, who still hasn’t awoken.
Nobody’s got it easy right now. We just have to suck it up.
We walk, heading north. I want to turn around and hug Lila one last time, but I know she’s already taken off with Rokan. I would like for Hassen to hold my hand, but we’re both carrying spears and still close enough that the tribe would see…but it doesn’t mean I don’t wish for it, just a little. Snowshoes and clothing and furs are hard to come by, and with many humans needing them, all of the existing ones are spread thin. The wrap I have is light and not good for more than keeping out the wind, but we’ll get more furs at the nearest cave. My snowshoes are rickety and feel fragile, probably because they were made from ‘extra’ parts on an existing, sturdy pair. We’ll reinforce them when we find more bones and leather. I remind myself that it could be worse. I think of Pashov, carried by the others, and poor Stacy, who is in a zombie-like state of fear…and I feel lucky. Hassen’s safe. Lila’s safe. Lila’s mate is safe. We’re good.