Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
She nods, mystified, and blinks her big eyes at me in that wounded way. I feel like an asshole. I’m abandoning my sister just as she got back from her trip so I can go talk to Hassen and try to figure out why I feel so mixed up. I should hang out with her. She hasn’t been here for days.
You haven’t been around her for days because you weren’t invited, a seditious little voice in my head says. At least Hassen wants to spend time with you.
That decides it. I have to go, I sign to her, and pat her shoulder. I leap to my feet and head off, gathering my furs close to my body. There’s an extra wrap by the entrance on a drying rack, and I snatch it and wrap it around my shoulders. Everyone at the entrance is busy chatting and exclaiming over what’s in the bags. No one’s going to notice me if I sneak off, hopefully.
I move along the cliff walls, wincing with every crunching step, waiting for someone to yell at me to come back, to ask me where I’m going. No one does, though. They’re too preoccupied with all the goodies Lila and her crew have brought back. I slip away, my steps hurrying despite the calf-deep snow, and crest over a ridge. After that, I’m home free. No one’s going to chase me now.
Time to find Hassen and get some answers. Or to just vent at how confused I feel about my sister. And about him.
Really, I’m pretty mixed up over everything. I don’t know if he’s the person I should go pouring my heart out to, but right now I feel like he’s the only one that will truly understand how I feel.
There’s a copse of trees over the next ridge where we normally meet. I’ll head there and see if he’s nearby. I don’t have a weapon with me, but it’s not a far walk and I can wait for him. He’s bound to come by at some point.
I hope.
Something feels tight on my face, and I swipe at my cheek. It’s ice. I’m crying, and my tears are freezing on my face. Shit. Why am I crying? Is it because I feel like my sister’s even more distant than ever? That I’m jealous of her and her happiness and the fact that everyone freaking loves her while I’m the town leper? Is it that I’m suddenly the one who needs looking after and I resent that? Is it because she hates Hassen and I feel like I have to choose between her happiness and mine?
How did this all get so complicated? I press my fingers to my cheek, warming the tears until they melt away.
8
MADDIE
I wait at the trees for what feels like forever. It’s probably only a half-hour, but it feels like eternity. There’s nothing around except snow and more snow. No animals, not much vegetation, and certainly no Hassen. The wind tears at my clothing and my exposed skin, and I feel very alone and small and vulnerable.
And lost. Lately I’ve been feeling very, very lost, and I hate it. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of feeling like everyone’s got their shit together but me. Even right now, I’m out here in the wild with a damp wrap that’s not keeping me very warm, no snowshoes, and no weapon. If that’s not idiotic, I don’t know what is.
My frustration mounts by the minute, and I’m just about ready to bail out and head back to the cave when a figure appears in the distance. I see big shoulders, horns and lots of blue skin exposed, which means it’s one of the sa-khui. When he starts racing toward me at a breakneck speed, I figure it’s Hassen.
And stupid me starts weeping again. All the frustration seems to be seeping out of me in girly, wimpy tears. I hate that. I’m not a crier. That’s not who I am. I’m strong, damn it. I’m capable. I’m not…
Not like Lila. And Lila’s happy.
And that just makes me blubber even more.
“Mah-dee!” Hassen races to my side, running his hands over my arms and then touching my face. “You are cold. Why are you out here? Who is with you? Where is your spear?”
“I’m here by myself,” I say, swiping away the tears that keep freezing on my face. “I needed to talk to you.”
“With no weapon? Mah-dee, you must think before you leave the cave! It is not safe—”
“I know,” I cry out, swatting away his hands as he tries to cup my cheeks. “Okay? I know! I get it. I suck at taking care of myself. That’s not exactly headline news.” I dust away more of the tears that seem to keep coming.
He frowns down at me and puts a finger under my chin, tilting my head up. “Why do you cry? What is wrong?”