Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
When the nurse explained about getting undressed, she kindly held out a thick pad to her. “If you’re still bleeding, just press this between your legs until Dr. Segal comes in.”
I had expected we might be in for a bit of a wait, given that they worked us into his schedule, but we’re in the room barely ten minutes before the door pushes open.
His expression is not grave, but it is worried. I rise from the chair and move to Kiera’s side. I hadn’t felt welcomed there when she got up on the table, awkwardly trying to hold that pad in place while she navigated it. I wanted to pick her up, cradle her, gently lie her down and help get her situated. Hell… I’d have held that fucking pad for her so she could just lie back and rest.
Her vibe told me she’s closed off in a bubble that I won’t be allowed near, but now that Dr. Segal is here, fuck keeping my distance. I place my hand on her lower back.
The doc comes to stand before Kiera, his hand grabbing hers for a comforting squeeze. “I understand you had some bleeding and cramping?”
She nods. “Bleeding first. Then some cramps that got worse, then they stopped.”
He doesn’t ask her how much blood. Doesn’t ask her how long the cramps lasted. Doesn’t ask me what I saw in the toilet.
Instead, he pats her shoulder. “I’m going to do the same vaginal ultrasound we did the other day, okay?”
Kiera nods and Dr. Segal smiles at her. As she reclines, he cuts me a sympathetic smile before turning to wash his hands.
Gloves donned, he moves his stool to the end of the bed and repeats the same procedure as the other day.
There’s no giddy feeling of anticipation.
Just oily dread.
It feels like it takes hours, but truly, it’s only a minute or two. Kiera doesn’t even look at the screen but I do. I stare at it hard, hoping to see that little bean I saw the other day.
Something appears on the screen, but it doesn’t look like what we saw before. Dr. Segal taps a button on the laptop and holds his hand still.
Finally, he pulls the wand free and sets it aside on a metal tray, deftly covering it with a surgical towel. He snaps off his gloves and looks only at Kiera. “I’m sorry. You’re in the process of miscarrying.”
Kiera nods, her eyes dry and lifeless. I stumble back a foot and only hear bits and pieces as I try to comprehend that our lives just shifted a hundred and eighty degrees again.
Prolapsed gestational sac.
No heartbeat.
Incomplete miscarriage.
Dilation and curettage.
“I’m going to send you over to the hospital to get you checked in. You’ll be sedated and—”
“Wait! What?” I exclaim, rejoining the conversation.
“She’s going to need a surgical procedure to clean out the remaining tissue. Otherwise, it will cause an infection, which can be very dangerous.”
“So, the baby’s gone?” I ask, still not sure I understand what’s happening.
“I’m very sorry.”
Images of Kiera and I this morning flash through my brain and while they’d ordinarily be a turn-on, I think I might throw up. “Did I… this morning we… did the miscarriage happen because…”
I can’t even get the words out, but Dr. Segal patiently waits. I scrub my hands over my face and laser my eyes onto the doctor so I can judge the truth of his answer. “Kiera and I had sex. It was a little fast. Did I…”
Dr. Segal shakes his head. “No,” he exclaims. “Absolutely not. You did nothing to cause this. Miscarriages at this early stage are unfortunately not uncommon. Ten to twenty percent of women will miscarry for no good reason at all.”
I trust his words, but they offer no relief.
I glance over at Kiera and she’s sitting up again, staring at her hands. “I’m sorry, baby,” I murmur and brush my lips over her temple.
That seems to jolt her out of her trance and her head lifts. She looks at Dr. Segal. “Can I go home after the D&C?”
“Of course. You’ll stay in the recovery room for a few hours, then Bain can take you home. I’ll give you more detailed recovery instructions.”
Kiera nods. “Okay.”
“Any other questions?”
She shakes her head so he looks at me.
Yeah… a million fucking questions but only one that matters.
Where do we go from here?
CHAPTER 30
Kiera
The murmured voices drifting from the kitchen to me in the living room are grating on my nerves. I’ve been camped out on the couch all day, doing a rewatch of Sons of Anarchy. I need something hard and brutal to take my mind off… well, things that are hard and brutal.
It’s finally sinking in.
Yesterday was pretty much a blur. I try not to think about it, but flashes filter through. I knew I was miscarrying when the cramps hit. They were so painful that I immediately knew what was going on. I have vague recollections of Bain caring for me. He was strong and steady, knowing exactly what to do, and yet somehow, I can’t seem to really appreciate it.