Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114419 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114419 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
That longing again. Because he’d had her whole heart once, and he didn’t anymore. And he wanted it back. God, he did. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to desire him the way he still desired her. The way, somewhere in the back of his mind, he always had. He’d never allowed himself to fully ponder it because when he’d made the decision to leave town before their wedding so many years ago, he’d done it knowing he was leaving her behind forever. She wouldn’t forgive him, not for deserting her. And he’d told himself that he had to do it that way, leave himself no small doubt that she’d ever take him back, because if he did, he’d find her, he’d beg her to give him another chance, and then what would it have all been for?
“And now,” he said quietly, “considering the life you have, the job you do, all the things that have happened between that day and this one, do you wish it had been different? In hindsight?”
She sighed. “How can I answer that? Do you want me to tell you what you did was right? That I’m grateful to you for obliterating my heart?”
He ran his hand through his hair, his shoulders dropping. “No. But I hope you can find it in you to understand.” To forgive me for the pain and loss I caused you.
“And you?” she asked. “Would you take it back, knowing what you know now?”
He let out a gust of breath. It was a fair question. He’d asked her the same. “I don’t know either,” he said. “My view of the world was so different then.” He’d been hotheaded, impulsive the way all young men tended to be. But he’d also been doubtful of what his future held, what the world might have in store for him. Mirabelle had dissuaded him from attempting to make a career of gambling, and he supposed any good mother would have. He couldn’t blame her for that. Who wanted to send their child out on the road to follow a path that relied on such a high percentage of luck?
He’d believed in his own gift, though. At least enough to gamble on himself. He just hadn’t believed in it enough to ante up with Sienna’s future. “I used to go over it. I played the what-if game for a while and never came to any solid conclusions other than I missed the hell out of you.” He paused, glancing at her profile and then away. Otis wasn’t on the water anymore. He’d made it to the distant shore and shaken off his tail feathers and was doing whatever swans did as the moon grew bright in the sky. “And I wished . . . I wished I could have figured out a way to have it all without risking any of it.”
Sienna let out a small sound that he thought held a note of humor but more of wistfulness. “That’s not how life works.” She sighed, looking over at him, and even in the dim light, or maybe because of it, he was so struck by her beauty, the outline of her bone structure, those high cheekbones, her gently sloping nose. He’d watched her turn from a girl to a woman and thought her beautiful during every stage of her life. He’d realized he was in love with her one early April day when he was fifteen years old and accepted it as naturally as the earth accepted the rain. And with just as much necessity.
And though he’d thought he’d moved on, he never really had. It was still her. Always her.
Their eyes locked, and Gavin leaned in, allowing his lips to brush against hers. He didn’t even realize he’d done it until he heard her small, soft gasp. His breath halted, and she blinked at him, but she didn’t move away, and so he pressed his mouth against hers more firmly, tilting his head slightly and using his tongue to lick across the seam of her soft lips. She opened, and his heart soared, his hands cupping her face as she let out another small sound—a moan this time. It raced across his mouth and down his spine to settle in his groin and vibrate there as he swelled, pressing against the zipper of his pants. Her tongue met his and she melted against him, tenderness and arousal mixing within. Sienna. Sienna. It was the same yet different. Past and present melded as he reacquainted himself with her taste, her textures, and the feel of her in his arms. How had he lived without this for so long? It seemed a miracle that he’d survived.
With a small, strangled gasp, she broke away, turning her head and bringing the back of her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Gavin,” she breathed. “This is wrong. We’re over. We’ve been over for a long time.” She stood, and for a moment he continued to sit there, stung and stunned.