Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71444 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71444 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
When I close my eyes, his throat clicks with a swallow.
“I don’t know how to stop it,” he whispers into the silence. “I don’t know how to hold it in.”
My heart breaks at the raw pain in his voice and how tired he sounds. To battle with yourself must be exhausting. I remember my mom and how much she used to cry when she’d come back from her emotional lows and realize the damage she’d done. We were kids, though. We didn’t understand and couldn’t adjust. We needed her to be stable so we could develop and grow.
This is different. “You don’t have to hold it in,” I say gently, reaching up to cup his face in my hands. “Not all the time. Not around people that care.” His skin is warm under my touch, and he leans into it, starving for connection.
He stares at me for a long moment, his eyes searching mine for something—maybe for permission, maybe for reassurance. Then, slowly, he nods. I can’t wrap my arms around him without touching whatever he has on his back, so instead, I touch my nipple, watching as he eyes it hungrily. When he latches on, cupping the small peak with his huge hand, I sigh with deeper contentment than I could ever have imagined would come from his actions. I touch his hair, and he doesn’t resist.
He lets himself be vulnerable with me and touch my body this way without fear of judgment or rejection, and I realize that this moment of calm after the storm is what he’s been searching for all along. Not dominance, not control, but peace. And maybe, just maybe, in the twenty-nine more days that we’re together, I’ll help him find his, and he can help me find mine.
My nana used to sing me a song when I found it hard to sleep, and it comes back to me as I soothe Hyde the way she used to soothe me.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. The words leave my lips in barely more than a whisper, but he hears me because he stills to listen. I don’t know all the words, but I can sing enough to settle us both.
There’s no sunshine in Blackstone, but I learned when I was cowering with my sister beneath my childhood bed that people can be the light in the inkiest darkness.
11
KINKAID
HEAVEN IN HELL
The quiet has me on edge.
I lean back against the wall, the cigarette between my fingers burning down to the filter as I stare at the door. It’s been too long since I heard anything from Hyde and Lory. Too long since the tension in the air subsided, leaving me with this gnawing sense of unease.
Hyde’s never been one for silence, especially when he’s battling his demons. He’s either pacing, muttering under his breath, or on the verge of snapping. The quiet is unnatural, like the calm before a storm. And Lory… she’s strong, stronger than I expected, but the worry that she’s out of her depth with him grates at my nerves.
I toss the cigarette aside, crushing it under my boot as I push off the wall. Rock is sprawled out on the bed across the room, his massive frame taking up most of the space. He’s reading a battered paperback, but he’s not paying attention to it. He’s on edge too, his eyes flicking toward the door every few minutes, like he’s waiting for something to happen.
When our eyes meet, I raise my shoulders in an unspoken question that he understands immediately. Should we go look?
He nods, but I hesitate. We battle hell together daily, and I trust Hyde more than most men. But Lory’s different. She’s not part of this place, and Hyde… he’s different with her. More vulnerable, more on edge. A greater risk potentially. I don’t know.
“Yeah,” I finally say, pushing the door open just enough to slip out. It’s dark and quiet; the only sound is the faint hum of the surrounding building. I move silently toward the door to the room that’s now become Lory’s, the tension in my chest tightening with every step.
When I reach the door, I pause, my hand hovering over the handle. I don’t know what I expect to find—maybe Hyde spiraling out or Lory trying to calm him down. Hyde with his hands around her throat. Fuck. I don’t think he’ll go that far, but I’ve learned to never underestimate a man on the edge. The silence on the other side of the door is thick, almost oppressive.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly push it open just enough to peek inside. The room is bathed in long shadows, but my eyes adjust quickly, revealing Hyde and Lory lying on the bed together. Hyde’s face is buried in her chest, his body curled up like a child seeking comfort. Lory’s fingers are tangled in his hair. They’re both asleep, their breathing slow and even, and for the first time in a long time, Hyde looks… peaceful.