Total pages in book: 29
Estimated words: 29029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 145(@200wpm)___ 116(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 29029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 145(@200wpm)___ 116(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
“Still, I—”
I move two fingers to his lips to quiet him. “Please, Max. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I overreacted when all you wanted to do was give me a present.”
“Jen, you don’t need to—”
I slide my fingers over his lips again. “Let me finish. Besides my mom and dad, you were the person I wanted to see most once I returned. When I saw you—saw how grown-up and handsome you are now—my heart just sang, Max. That’s why I smiled when I saw you.”
It’s not a lie. My heart did sing. It also cried, though—cried for the loss of watching Max grow into a man, of watching myself grow into a woman along with him.
“Jenna, I can’t even begin to understand everything that’s happened to you.”
“Good. I don’t want you to. I wouldn’t wish what happened—or even the burden of hearing what happened—on my worst enemy. I’m going to be okay. But I want you in my life, Max. Ever since I was four years old, I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”
And it comes to me then, what I need Max to do for me.
How I can get back onto the saddle.
“Would you do something for me?” I ask.
“Of course, Jenna. Anything.”
I smile, scrape my fingers over the black stubble on his jawline. “You’ve grown so handsome.”
His bronze complexion reddens. He says nothing.
“Not that you weren’t handsome before. You know, once you outgrew your nerdy phase.”
That gets a smile out of him. “Yeah. I think we both turned out okay.”
“Do you?” I attempt to be coy.
“Of course, Jen. You’re beautiful. You were always beautiful to me.”
“Always?”
He laughs. “You were the most important person in my life. Your beauty went far beyond what’s visible.”
“So you’re saying I haven’t always been visibly beautiful.” I punch his upper arm lightly.
“Jenna, you know exactly what I’m trying to say.” His voice is solemn.
I touch his stubble again, and is it my imagination, or does he lean into my hand a bit?
“What did you want to ask me?”
“Since you think I’m beautiful, I’m hoping you’ll do me a favor.” I swallow, trying to gather all the courage I need. I clear my throat. “I need to learn how to be physical again. Would you consider…having sex with me?”
7
MAX
My jaw drops, and before I can completely process what Jenna just said to me, she gasps and clamps her hand over her mouth.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Max. How selfish of me. You’re engaged. I can’t believe I just asked you to cheat on your fiancée. What is wrong with me?” She turns and then looks over her shoulder. “Please forgive me.” She runs inside.
I stand, and for a moment I’m not sure where I am. Or who I am. The whole world is one big fucking blur.
Jenna Holland just asked me to have sex with her.
Then of course she took it back, but she doesn’t know that Mimi and I are over—over because of my feelings for her.
But she’s not asking me to make love to her. She’s not asking me to love her at all. She’s asking me for sex, but why?
I walk inside. Lexi follows me with the tennis ball lodged in her mouth.
“Jen?”
Susanna stands at the sink scrubbing a cast iron pan. “She probably went up to her room. Is everything okay between you two?”
“Yeah. We’re fine. She’s just a little embarrassed about something that happened, but she doesn’t need to be.”
“Go on up and see if you can work it out,” Susanna says. “Jenna needs you, Max. We all do.”
I nod briskly, walk up the staircase, and knock on Jenna’s door, which is open, but not enough that I can see inside.
“Jen, let me in.”
A few seconds pass, and then she appears at the door.
Jenna’s crying. God, crying, and my heart shatters like a glass breaking on a tile floor.
“I’m so sorry, Max. That was so thoughtless of me. So self-absorbed of me. I was thinking only of my needs, and I apologize.”
“Hey, no apologies. You have every right to be thinking about your needs. Your needs were neglected for many years.”
“Except I can’t think like that, you know?” She sniffles and wipes a tissue over her eyes. “Otherwise those years will color my whole life, and I don’t want that. I want a good life, Max. Think of how lucky I am. Think of how many women disappear each year and never come home again.”
With those words, I fall harder than ever for Jenna Holland.
After all she’s been through… she’s thinking of those less lucky than she is.
“Tell me why,” I say. “Why do you want to have sex with me?”
Another sniffle. “Because I trust you, Max. I need to learn to trust men again. I need to let a man touch my body. My dream was once to have a family. To fall in love, get married, have babies. I’m very lucky. My physical exams show that I’ll still be able to bear children. I need to feel the touch of a man whose purpose isn’t to hurt me, but to show me pleasure. But forget I asked. Truly. Our friendship is much more important to me. And I know your relationship with Mimi means everything to you.”