Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 124135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 621(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 621(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
“And you?” he asked, putting my coffee before me. He took his own and sat down behind his desk.
I stared at the picture that always pulled my attention. The one of Lewis at the Royal Albert Hall. “I never realized how much I loved it too.” I shook my head. “No, I did. That’s a lie.” But I wasn’t going to say anything else on it. I wasn’t ready to think of the reason I’d stopped playing yet. On top of Bonnie, it was all too bloody much.
Lewis sat forward, arms on his desk. “Forgive me for prying, but it seems you and Ms. Farraday have grown closer of late.”
I stared down at the blackness of my coffee. “Yeah.”
Lewis sighed. “I’m sorry, Cromwell. It’s got to be hard. To grow closer, and then…this…”
“Not as hard as it is for her.”
“No,” Lewis said. “You’re right.”
“She wants to pass this class so bad.” I looked at him. “She wants to complete the composition for the end of the year so much.”
Lewis nodded. The realization of her situation hit me so hard it almost winded me. “She won’t get to do it, will she?” My throat closed until I felt like I was being choked. I stared down at my hands. “I looked it up. Everyone says don’t google things, but I couldn’t help it.” I swallowed back the lump. “She’ll struggle to walk until she’s bedridden. Her hands and feet will become painful to use, filling with fluid.” I rubbed my chest, my voice growing more and more hoarse the more I spoke. “She’ll struggle to breathe, her lungs growing weaker. Her kidneys and liver will start to fail.” I squeezed my eyes shut, my nose flaring as I tried to keep my shit together. I tried to imagine Bonnie like that. I tried to imagine her in hospital, confined to a bed, her spirit strong but her body failing her day by day, and I couldn’t fucking cope.
“And you want to help her?”
I stared Lewis straight in the eyes. “I want to give her music. Have to.” I tapped my head. “Already, it’s building up in me, like my heart knows what it has to do for her. It has to give her what she needs so she can fight—hope.” Nervous energy swirled inside, making it impossible to sit still. I started pacing in front of his desk. “I keep hearing melodies. Keep hearing the different sections—string, woodwind, brass—playing the same music, showing me their color pattern. Mapping out the way for me in my head. It’s pressing at my brain. I need to get it out.”
Lewis was watching me, his coffee abandoned on his desk. “I know what that’s like.”
“You do?”
He pointed to the photo of him conducting. “That piece, my most famous, was born from losing someone I loved. From being robbed of a life that should’ve been mine.” He walked to the photo and stared up at himself. “I lost the one I loved through my own stupidity. All that was left was the music that never quieted. I had to write. The notes and melodies haunted me until I did.” He huffed a laugh. “Then, once it was done and out in the world, the symphony haunted me for the rest of my life. Still does.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t play that piece of music. Even now. All these years later. Because it reminds me of what I could have had, who I could have loved, the life I could have lived if I hadn’t been so messed up.”
Lewis came beside me and tentatively laid his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t let her go if she means that much to you, Cromwell. Bonnie needs you now, more than ever.” He stared vacantly at the wall. “This could be something special that only you can give her. Music, Cromwell. It can be both a healer and a comfort. If you care for her, like I’m assuming you do, you have the gifts to make this time truly memorable for her. And I can’t say that about anyone else but you.” Lewis checked the time. “We have a class, Mr. Dean.”
I got up from my seat and headed for the door. “Thanks.”
Lewis gave me a tight smile. “If you need me, Cromwell, I’m here.”
I headed to the classroom and stopped dead in the doorway. Bonnie sat in her seat, staring at her notepad. I looked right at her, just drinking her in. I didn’t care who saw me. She was dressed in jeans, as always, this time with a pink jumper, and her hair was in a messy bun. In this moment, I didn’t think I’d ever seen anyone more beautiful.
The clearing of a throat snapped me back to the moment. Lewis was behind me. I took a deep breath and walked into the classroom. Bonnie lifted her head, and her face paled. Her eyes watched me as I walked up the stairs. They were shining. She was worried about what I’d do; I could see that. I could see the guilt on her face, in the tensing of her slight frame.