Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
He didn't.
So he wants to end this too.
Good. That's good. I'm not breaking his heart. He wants to go back to his life too. This is just to help with his job.
Sure, he didn't spell that out, but it's there, implied by his words. And, sure, it's what I want to hear, because I want to know I'm not ruining his life, but—
Fuck it. I'll take it.
I'm not breaking his heart.
A happy ending.
"No," He says. "I do want a family one day. But I don't know what it will look like anymore. I don't know if I'm marriage material." He holds up his left wrist. "Yes, I have the watch, and the money, but I'm lacking something else. Women love me at first. Then they find out I'm missing something and they leave. There's no anger, no horrible incompatibility, no cheating. Just the women saying you're a great guy, Jackson, but I don't think this relationship is going anywhere."
"I'm sorry." I swallow another sip of tea.
"Don't be. They're right. They always say the same thing. They ask if I love them and I can't say yes, so… why would they stay?"
Really? It's hard to imagine Jackson withholding affection. But then it's also hard to imagine him lying if he didn't feel something. "You've never been in love?"
"I don't know. I thought so, a few times when I was younger, but was that love? Or just what I'd heard in a pop song?"
"You sound like Cassie," I say.
"Cassie would say love isn't like most pop songs. And she's right. It didn't feel like one of those songs. I never had that all-consuming drive to give myself to someone. To take all of them."
"Maybe the songs are the problem," I say. "Maybe we have misguided ideas about what it means to love someone."
"Maybe. Or maybe the women are right. I always choose something else over them. They want to come first outside the bedroom. They deserve that. But I can't give it to them."
"I know what you mean," I say. "I've loved boyfriends before, but I've never loved them more than work. I never felt that same pull to discover every single nugget of information. I never felt like I could spend my entire life studying them and still find more."
"Is that how you define love?"
"Of course not. I'm a scientist. I know love is a chemical reaction, in our brains, one a lot like addiction. And there's the bonding from oxytocin. We'll feel that if we stare into someone's eyes or touch them skin to skin. Or orgasm with them."
He raises a brow back to sex already, but he doesn't say anything to call me on it.
"But that doesn't really explain it, does it. It's like saying marriage is a legal contract. It's true. But it's not the whole story."
He nods that's true. "We're already married to our jobs. We don't have room for someone else."
"Maybe." It's the most obvious explanation. And it certainly fits my life right now. I choose work, my passion, over friends and family. I'm leaving the state. I'm moving to the other side of the country. That means something. But it doesn't have to mean I'm incapable of truly loving someone forever. "We have three weeks, right? If you really do want this for real one day, we can practice. Try to see what it means, to really count on someone, let them help you."
"How does that work?"
"I'm not sure," I say. "Maybe we just try. Or we could go back to talking sexual fantasies. That's less awkward."
He smiles as if to say far less awkward.
"And, well, you didn't tell me yours yet. So… whenever you're ready. I'm here. I'm waiting."
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Daphne
"It's a bad habit." Jackson takes another bite of red curry, chews, swallows. He speaks with an even, calm voice, as if I just asked him what he thinks of lunch, not what's your darkest fantasy. "Depriving people of information." His eyes meet mine. "One I learned at work."
"Is that why you're holding out on me?" I ask. "Because you're a lawyer?"
"That's part of it." He takes another bite. He stays in control. "Mostly, I like to draw it out. I like to tease a woman for as long as I can." His voice drops to a tone I recognize from last night. From an hour ago. The one he uses to dirty talk. "Sometimes, for days."
"Days?" My throat goes dry. My stomach drops. I don't have days to wait. And even if I did, I don't want to wait for them. Not now. I want this. I want this secret. I want everything.
But maybe this is the start of that.
Maybe this is his fantasy.
Torturing a poor, innocent woman with days of anticipation.
He watches my expression with a coy half-smile. I'm eager and he can tell.